


Three Hearts In Halves

by firei



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Love Triangle, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-04-01 04:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13990371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firei/pseuds/firei
Summary: Neither Jumin nor Zen had ever thought that the feelings they had for Narumi could go beyond friendship. This story begins when said feelings start unraveling –or rather, making it all even more complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, beautiful readers! In case there's any of you left, I'm finally bringing you my next fanfic :) I think I'll post around once every two weeks or so, but I'm not really sure if I'll be able to keep up. Anyway, let's start explaining the important stuff:  
> 1\. This fanfiction is using a guide of colors to represent different first person narrators. There are three at the moment, but at one point there'll be up to four. Zen’s part will be grey, Narumi’s part will be orange-ish and Jumin’s part will be that kind of purple, blue-ish, whatever.  
> 2.In order to see it, you need to have the Creator's Style ON (I think it's like that by default) and the CSS won't show if you download the thing. It basically won't make sense reading it without the color distinction –sorry if it bugs any of you! >.<  
> That said, I really do hope you like this fic! It is definitely not what I'm used to writing, so any suggestions or constructive criticism is very welcome! <3

All I could think of were her lips. 

—… and even if it was a bit embarrassing, I managed to go through it without dying. Although I still remember it when I’m about to go to sleep and cringe a little. 

Narumi shrank, a nervous smile playing on her features before talking about another topic that I wasn’t really listening to. A lock of hair interposed between my eyes and her beauty, so I lifted my hand to retire it sweetly and she smiled in response. 

She used to smile a lot, something to what I soon found myself addicted to –more so when I was the one getting her to smile. Wanting her to be happy wasn’t just easy, it was natural. 

—…Zen? Zen, are you listening to me?

She had given me the benefit of the doubt even though we both knew the truth. He shook his head, a goofy grin toying with the corners of his mouth while he rested his cheek on his hand. 

—It’s hard to focus on what you’re saying when you smile so adorably, you know?— Zen responded in a nearly nagging manner. 

Her cheeks were instantly flushed, another shy smile as her eyes looked down. She dismissed it with a shake of her hand and blabbered something that made me inevitably laugh. I grabbed her chin to lift it so that our gazes met.

—I’m listening now, so what were you saying? 

—I was talking about how I found a cat near my place the other day— I answered with a mischievous grin, although I regretted my words as soon as Zen started sneezing—. Oh, okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Here you go, poor thing.

I quickly reached out for a handkerchief and handed it to him, getting a thankful look in return. My fingers caressed his hair softly to part it from his face as Zen managed to go back to normal. He then leaned into my touch until his head was resting on my shoulder.

—Since Jumin’s leaving tonight for some business trip, why don’t you come over? We could watch a movie together like old times.

I froze, but he thankfully didn’t realize right away. After a brief hesitation, I decided to tell the truth.

—I can’t tonight, I already have plans.

—With your friends?

—N-not really…

I lifted my head so suddenly I even got a bit dizzy. She was blushing, which meant nothing good.

—With a gUY? 

—He’s an old friend, Zen, it’s not lik…

—ALL MEN ARE WOLVES!

She rolled her eyes as a new suspicion came to light. My hand flew to my chest, the beatings of my heart dramatically stopping before I muttered my next words: 

—Is it… _him_?

Her sigh made my heart clench. Why, oh, why did she have to go down that road again? 

—He’ll only make you suffer! He’s a jerk! 

—He’s not a jerk, and he won’t make me suffer— I patiently explained for the umpteenth time. Zen looked like he was having a stroke, so I made an effort to bury both my exasperation and my urge to laugh—. Haru’s only in town for a couple of weeks, what’s wrong with wanting to see a friend? 

—A friend with whom you have sex— he whispered that last word, looking through the corner of his eyes as if someone could panic upon hearing him say that. 

—Zen…!

—HE’S CLEARLY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU! 

“Now, isn’t it the other way around?,” I wondered. Zen kept on ranting about wolves and sexual predators and friends who weren’t friends until I decided I’d had enough. I picked up my stuff and stood up. 

—Hey, I’m not done with you! 

—I know— I hugged him in spite of my wanting to kill him right then, but he hugged me back so tenderly that I couldn’t remain upset—. Zen, I promise I’ll be careful and I’ll call you if anything goes remotely wrong. I also won’t do anything crazy or dangerous, okay? 

She looked at me with pleading eyes, so I couldn’t say no. I embraced her again, calmed down by her fragrance, then let her go with a smile that matched hers. 

As soon as she was out of my sight, I grabbed my phone and called Jumin. 

—Hyun, I’m working right now. Whatever it is, please make it quick. 

—Narumi’s going out with that jerk tonight. 

—I’m aware of it. 

—You whAT? AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME? 

—Sharing that information was not up to me. I respect Narumi’s privacy, and so should you. 

I wanted to punch Jumin when he acted so robotly. Was that even a word? Anyways, that side of sufficient brat above everyone and everything always got the worst out of me, so I breathed in and out a couple of times before focusing on the drama at hand. 

—Does that mean you’re not going to do anything? We can’t just let her go alone like that, she can’t defend herself! 

A brief pause at the other end of the line got me from expectant to increasingly anxious. He decided to speak when my heart was already on edge. 

—I assigned her a couple of bodyguards. She does not need to know. Be discreet. 

His relieved sigh got rid of part of my own anxiousness. When he thanked me, his voice sounded significantly calmer. 

—You’re welcome— I pursed my lips in order to help a grin from coming out—. I love you. 

—Love you too. Keep me posted. 

—You know I will. 

I hung up and took care of some unimportant paperwork to clear my head. The images of Narumi dearly petting Elizabeth the 3rd while telling me about her future encounter with that so called Haru flooded my mind. She’d been scared to tell Hyun about it, and taking into account how protective he was of her, I could understand her fears. What I still couldn’t understand properly, nonetheless, was Hyun’s behaviour itself. 

“He seems to have a problem with the idea of Narumi having sex,” I thought in an attempt to order the information with logics. “That could respond to the desire of protecting her so called female virtue established by society, though it usually seems to go beyond that… to a land of jealousy, if anything. Could it be that Hyun’s jealous?” I shook my head immediately, my fingers rubbing my frown to dissolve it before it was even formed. “But he doesn’t have feelings for her. He has feelings for _me_.”

That thought left my mind blank. It remained like such as I went through contracts and reports, but for the rest of the morning it came back to me intermittently. 

“He has feelings for me.” 

As a reminder. 

“He only has feelings for me.” 

As a way to convince myself. 

“Only for me.” 

As a _lie_.

Because who in their right mind wouldn’t fall for her? 

Who wouldn’t fall for him? 

Haru was already inside the café, waiting for me at a round table for two. His bright, long, red hair was an unavoidable sight for everyone around him, and let’s not forget about his spectacular body and general perfectionness. He sipped his coffee while falsely unaware of the glances from some of the clients, though his smirk relaxed into a fond smile as soon as our eyes met. 

—Narumi! It’s been too long. 

I didn’t remember how his hugs crashed my bones every time. I struggled to breathe and giggled when he reluctantly withdrew to give me a bit of room, thought he was still holding me in his arms as we both got used to each other’s company again. 

It was a rocky road for me, to be honest. With Haru, I had to be on my toes constantly and prevent myself from falling in love. Having a whole relationship with him would be simply too hard, so we remained friends who sometimes… became _friendlier_ with each other. 

His obvious stare at my lips made me blush while I stumbled to my seat. He laughed unrestraintedly, occupying his own chair but refusing to let go of my hand. 

—You’re even more adorable than I remembered. I’m glad I called. 

—I’m glad you called— I admitted as well, attempting to stop myself from looking too dreamy—. How are things going with you? 

—Now that you’re here, they couldn’t be better. Are you seeing someone?— I shook my head and he asked the question I had been dreading, his self as tactless as usual—. Are you still in love with him? 

I nodded, my eyes fixed on the coffee that Haru’d ordered for me. 

—You haven’t told him?— a shake of my head—. Are you ever going to?— another shake—. You alright? 

—I will be— I promised to both of us. 

He took my hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing it long and still managing to leave me wanting more. 

The conversation drifted to easier subjects, and when our drinks were over I suggested going for a walk on a park nearby. Haru rested his arm on my shoulders and brought me closer to him while we walked, thus waking up those butterflies in my stomach that I hadn’t felt in a really long time. “We probably look like a couple,” I dangerously thought. No. We weren’t together. Narumi, focus. 

Haru sat down on the grass and dragged me with him. His lips instantly found mine, and even though I had been caught off guard, I willingly parted them to let his tongue savour me as I savoured him. The lack of habit on my side was soon erased by his expertise; eventually, I found myself relaxing between his arms, nuzzling against his familiar body without a care in the world except feeling good. It was times like that when I was finally able to forget about him, even just for a couple of minutes. 

—We should either go to my place or stop for a while, Narumi— his voice, husky in between kisses, brought back many pleasant memories that had blood rushing to my cheeks pretty fucking fast. I retired a bit and he explored my eyes while our breaths remained jagged—. You want to take it slow as always, don’t you? 

I nodded and he kissed me tenderly one last time before keeping me in his arms. 

Our relationship had been a friendship since the beginning. He’d had countless of romantic and/or sexual interests and I would’ve even offered him advice on them, but the line that we’d settled broke when he showed interest in me. 

I remembered how difficult it’d been at first. I had refused since our different understandings of sex wouldn’t let me carry on with our friendship as usual; I knew I’d end up growing attached to him and then his sexual affairs with other people would’ve ended up driving me nuts. However, as time went by, I managed to get over any kind of jealousy and realized that the only thing that mattered between us was… us. No one else. 

Things went on surprisingly easy after I’d dared to kiss him for the first time. We had, in fact, ended up doing more than just kissing on his bed, and my noticing that I didn’t feel jealous about his other conquests made me get rid of my last doubts while giving in completely. However, I still had to be careful protecting my heart. It was too damn easy falling for someone like Haru. 

Our friendship didn’t dissolve through the years in spite of his moving out. We could text each other and, whenever we coincided in the same city, we’d meet again and pick up where we’d left of. I’d usually want to warm up a bit instead of jumping right into sex, though that was never a problem for him. 

—Ah, I had missed those lips. 

Haru’s thumb slipped down my lower lip before his mouth trapped it again, ferocious as a hungry panther, and the overwhelming desire that he poured on me would have us constantly stopping to catch our breaths as neither of us intended to go further ~~for the time being~~.

I was laying on my back during one of those displays of passion, his body caging mine against the floor while my mind tried not to think of how similar that was to a kabe-don. Things –and by things I meant _my underwear_ – were heating up real fast, so I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or bothered ~~or hornier~~ by the vibration of my phone in my pants. 

—If you really don’t want things to go further today, you better take that— Haru said in a very low and suggestive voice, which had me hyperventilating for a good thirty minutes. 

I saw the caller was Zen and assumed instantly that it was him trying to sabotage my date. I rolled my eyes with a sigh but decided to take it anyway, just in case. 

—Zen, what is it? 

—Jumin’s had an accident. He’s in the hospital. 

My heart stopped. 

—Please, hurry. 

He hung up as I felt my world collapsing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woops, this is it for today! Thank you so much for reading and please, let me know if you liked it so far! I look forward to your reactions ^^ <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning/evening/night, my dear readers! I hope these two weeks weren't too long for this next update <3  
> Reminder of the color guide:  
> –Narumi’s part  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part  
> Happy reading! :3

Zen was waiting for me at the hospital door by the time I arrived. Lost in my anxiousness, I ran to him and hugged him without even realizing that he wasn’t trembling at all. 

—Where is Jumin? Is he going to be alright? 

—He is, don’t worry— he assured me with the most unaffected voice I’d ever heard from him. That’s when I started to suspect that there was something wrong—. He’s… not here. 

She looked at me with the most adorably confused expression and I smiled softly. 

—Jumin hasn’t had an accident. I just needed an excuse to get you out of there before things turned uglier. 

—You…

…

I stepped back, ridding myself from his embrace with a fury that wouldn’t even blow due to the shock. I couldn’t believe he’d done that. I literally couldn’t. 

—Jumin… he’s… fine?— I asked after a terribly long pause, scared to hear either answer. When he nodded, my heart clenched painfully as I felt tears invading my eyes—. And I’ve come all the way here because…?

Fuck. I had messed up. 

Narumi was about to cry and still she was giving me a chance to explain myself. I grabbed her arms and rubbed them tenderly, feeling bad over concerning her. 

—I… couldn’t let you repeat that mistake. I’m sorry for worrying you— I quickly added as she tried to revolt against me—, but it was necessary if I wanted you to leave that place immediately. 

—And why did you want that?! 

—Because you can’t kiss him!! He’ll hurt you! 

—He’s never hurt me, unlike you right now. 

That, alongside the hatred in her eyes, felt like a slap in my gorgeous face. However, when Narumi tried to leave I held her arm and pulled her against me in a dramatic forced hug. 

—When he left last time you were devastated, Narumi… I can’t see you go through that again. 

—I WASN’T DEVASTATED. I WAS SAD BECAUSE A FRIEND WAS LEAVING. ZEN…!— I gave up trying to free myself from him and simply covered my face with my hands, tired of having to deal with that same old conversation again—. You have to stop manipulating the reality so that every man will be a threat. And even if they were, you can’t stop me from making mistakes. 

—I can!— he interrupted me, his voice slightly high-pitched—. You just have to stop going out with men. And women, just in case. 

—You can’t forbid me something like that… You can’t forbid me anything…

My sigh was followed by one of his. I lifted my head, wanting to discern whether or not my words had gotten through to him. He stared right back at me and cupped my face with a hand. 

—We just have to find the right guy for you. 

—And why can’t I go out with Haru in the meantime? 

—Because!— as I was waiting for an actual response, he finally pursed his lips before talking—. It looked like he was ready to… to go all the way with you right in the park. What a jerk. 

—Wait… you were spying on us? 

Fuck. I had messed up _again_.

Narumi wasn’t leaving this time. She was incredibly furious and expecting an answer, and my precious patience was running out. 

—I COULDN’T LEAVE YOU ALONE WITH A GUY! 

—WHY? NOTHING BAD WAS HAPPENING! 

—DO YOU REALLY THINK SO?!? WHO THE HELL USES THAT MUCH TONGUE WHILE KISSING?! THAT GUY’S GOT A PROBLEM! 

—YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM! I’M DONE! 

—YEAH, BY HIM! 

That would’ve been the perfect occasion for her to slap me. In fact, when she didn’t do it, I felt even guiltier for saying that. She was too good. 

Narumi bit her lower lip in a frustrated attempt to help the tears from falling down her cheeks. I held her face and cleaned it with my thumbs, and even though she tried to refuse that contact she yielded to it in the end. She looked so sad and tired…

—I’m sorry…

Narumi nodded, unwilling to look at me. I lifted her chin softly and whispered again those two words with her eyes locked on mine…

…and that’s when I felt _something_.

It was as if everything had fallen in place. Without even being able to think about it first, I suddenly found my lips caressing hers lightly, then more firmly but still gently. I froze, unsure of what was happening. My mouth autommatically responded to his touch, my eyes fluttered close and I leaned in, burying my fingers in his hair while expecting to find a high ponytail. His lower rat-tail broke the illusion almost right away, and I startled as I opened my eyes. 

It was Zen. Jumin’s boyfriend. Kissing _me_.

—Z-zen? 

—Mmm… Narumi…

—Jumin! 

—Wha-Where?!?! 

His distraction immediately turned into alarm as he scanned the whole place. I did so too, confused, until I realized he had understood wrongly. 

—He’s not here— I said, my voice bitter as I remembered my friend’s lie—. But he’s your boyfriend, so why are you kissing me? 

His eyes, wide open, soon narrowed again as he parted from me awkwardly. 

—I just wanted to show you how a man should actually kiss you. That Haru guy has no idea. 

—Zen…

—Besides, he hugs you way too strongly! He should treat you more delicately, or else he might break your bones. 

—…do you have feelings for me? 

—Do _you_ have feelings for _me_?— I snapped. 

Narumi was so bewildered by my question that she didn’t even know what to say. After the longest time opening and closing her mouth, she raised her hands and let them fall exhausted before turning around and leaving. I didn’t stop her. I couldn’t…

…or else more questions would pop out. And most of them I wasn’t ready to face yet. 

* * *

—Mmm… and you’re saying that he kissed you out of the blue? 

I nodded to Haru’s voice from the other side of the phone, which didn’t sound particularly surprised. I could almost see him shrugging to the whole thing. 

—Is he hot? 

—Why are you asking t–

—Coming from you, that’s a yes, so do him. Take him to bed or make out with him a little, or whatever. 

—Haru! He’s got a boyfriend! 

—Then bring him into the mix as well! The more, the merrier. I could also give you some advice on threesomes if you’re nervous about that. 

—Shut uuuup! 

His unaffected laugh made me even more flustered. I buried my head in a pillow and tried to collect myself before picking up the phone again. 

—…no matter how many times he may deny it, so…

—Wait, what? 

—I’m saying that he clearly likes you, Narumi. Even if he denies it, he’s probably lying to himself. 

I went through our conversation again to realize something I hadn’t overthought yet. 

—He… didn’t deny it. 

—He didn’t?— by his tone I could picture his brow furrowing slightly. I bit my lip, letting myself lie on the couch entirely. 

—When I asked him if he had feelings for me, he simply returned the question. 

—Then maybe he wants to see if you like him back before taking things further. God, this reminds me of high-school. 

—But he doesn’t like me! He’s…— I hesitated a bit, then decided to tell him so that he’d understand—. He’s Jumin’s boyfriend. 

—Jumin… the man you’re in love with?— I replied affirmatively while trying to reach my cup of coffee without getting up—. All the more reason to go for the threesome. 

—Har-AAAAH! Fuckfuckfuckfuckf-

He giggled, having heard the sound of the cup falling and spilling its content on the carpet, thus flooding the apartment with a coffee smell for the following weeks. I hurriedly wished him good luck with his date for the night before hanging up to clean the mess, but the doorbell interrupted me right away. 

Haru was waiting on the other side, carrying Chinese food on one hand and a bag filled with cleaning products on the other. 

—Wha… _I’m_ your date? 

—Well, weren’t we interrupted this afternoon? 

He placed a mischievous kiss in the corner of my mouth before inviting himself in, promptly taking the cleaning matters into his hands. As he got out the products, he shot me a dazzling smile. 

—By the way, I’d bought these before calling you just in case. I’ve missed your clumsiness, kitty. 

—I’m glad you missed it, because it’s certainly not going away— I sighed, unable to not smile to the nickname—. When was the last time you called me that? 

—When we were fourteen, perhaps? I kinda like it, though. 

—Me too. 

The coffee stain didn’t go away, the Chinese food went cold and I fell asleep on top of Haru after we kissed and talked for hours. 

It was dangerous. I had to focus. 

I couldn’t focus. 

The business trip had been successful and a week after we were seeing the profits of the deal. Nonetheless, things weren’t going as smoothly at home. Hyun had been quieter than usual and his silence was beginning to get under my skin. Sometimes he was like that due to his upcoming performances, though that time in particular felt different for reasons I had yet to discover. As usual, I found that the most efficient method to satisfy my curiosity was as simple as asking. 

—Hyun, are you alright? 

—Mmm. 

He still looked distracted. I walked up to him and sat besides him, making an effort to read his features. 

—Are you, perhaps, upset over something? 

—What? No, don’t worry. 

Hyun seemed to go back to normal then, even if just for a bit, so I nodded and focused on another strategy that was likely to help. 

—I’d like to go out for lunch. Maybe we could also invite Narumi, I haven’t seen her since…

—I don’t think she’ll want to come. 

His interruption caught me off-guard. 

—Why would you think that? 

—Because… aaaaahh. I’ve been a jerk— I patiently waited for him to say something else and eventually he spoke—. I sabotaged her date with Haru and said some awful things to her. I’m right about the guy being a douche, but…

—In that case, we could invite her and Haru for lunch— I suggested. His face instantly became the mask of a man who’d seen himself betrayed, so I lifted my finger to caress his cheek fondly—. It’s a good chance for the both of us to get to know him. Perhaps you’ll change your mind in regards to their relationship, and I think Narumi would very much appreciate the effort. 

Hyun devated the idea with himself, attempting to find a flaw to my plan. He eventually had to cave in, so he grudgingly kissed the hand with which I was cupping his face before huffing a “Yes”. I rewarded him with a kiss on the lips, then grabbed my phone to prepare everything for the lunch. 

I was so centered on arranging the whole day that the thought of things going wrong did not cross my mind. Though honestly, even for a man as rational and calculating as me, it would have been difficult to predict the turn of events. 

Out of all things, I’d never expected such a turn of events. 

—What did Jumin want?— Haru purred in my ear, caressing my naked back mischievously. I giggled and nuzzled against his chest, comforted by his scent. 

—He wants to meet you, actually. He suggested the four of us have lunch together. 

—Oh, really? Well— Haru smirked, his arms circling around my body tightly—, that’s going to be fun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaaaand that was it for today! I'll see you in the comments or in about two weeks for the next chapter starring an absolutely not awkward meal ^^ I really hope you liked it and thank you so much for your kudos, they mean the world to me <3 See you soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goooooooood moooooooorning Baltimooooooooooooore! We left it at the lunch offer from Jumin to Haru and Narumi, those dorks, so let's see how that goes!  
> Reminder of the color guide:  
> –Narumi’s part  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part  
> Happy reading! <3

—Behave, will you? 

—I’m not a child. 

—Please, Hyun. 

I huffed. Jumin’s hand on my leg intended to be calming but it was only adding up to the tenseness. The restaurant’s atmosphere was too strident, with waiters coming and going at a speed of light as the noises of forks, knives and spoons clattering against each other filled the room. Besides, every person in there smelled like money. It was driving me nuts. 

I almost jumped from my seat when I saw them entering: the red-haired asshole was inappropriately leading Narumi through the tables with a hand far too down her back, practically pushing her and bossing her around as he pleased. They looked like an innocent angel and the Devil himself attempting to bring her to the dark side. 

And I had to fucking get along with the guy. Kill me already. 

—Jumin, Zen, hi— Narumi barely looked at me. That reminded me of how someone refusing to maintain eye contact could mean that they were in presence of their abuser, to what I clenched my jaw. 

I refused to look at Zen since it meant I’d have to deal with the utter disgust that the situation clearly provoked him. He wasn’t comfortable, to say the least, and he wasn’t even making an effort to disguise it. His hatred towards my companion was so obvious that it almost hurt. 

“At least one of us is having a good time,” I thought when I heard Haru’s laugh. 

—When Narumi told me we’d be having lunch with her friend Jumin, I never expected it to be C&R’s heir! Jumin Han, isn’t it? 

Jumin got up and shook the hand that Haru was offering, his composure better suited for a business meeting than a lunch with friends. 

—Then you must be Haru Tanaka, the “panther” from Kya Industries. It is nice to meet you in person, and quite a surprise given the circumstances. 

—Do you guys know each other?— Zen reluctantly asked, attempting to sound not too interested as he awaited the response. 

—I actually came here to negotiate a deal with C&R. Knowing that you’re Narumi’s friend, I might lower the asking price for those stocks if we come to an agreement. 

—There will be no agreement unless you accept our conditions— Jumin answered, his professional tone shining through his ruthless businessman façade—. But we’re not here to talk about work, so let’s leave the subject aside. 

Jumin’s slight grin meant that he’d won over Haru, which had me broadcasting a wide smile in his direction. Narumi was still avoiding eye-contact with me, and since I knew I had been a bit of a jerk and Haru had lost the first battle, I felt good enough to try and do something nice just for her. 

—Well then, jer… Haru, why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?— “Like, perhaps, when are you leaving? Could you leave earlier than that?” 

—I wouldn’t want to bore you with a monologue about my life, so why don’t we make this fun?— he suggested, his hand resting on Narumi’s briefly. I felt the need to separate them but managed to hold it in—. Let’s get to know each other with a game! 

—Aren’t we a little too old to be playing “Never have I ever”, Haru?— Narumi asked, rolling her eyes as she caught on his intentions. He laughed it off and ruffled her hair way too brutally. What a pain. 

—It’s okay, we’ll just start with an easy one. Never have I ever…— the bastard pretended to think of something before raising his glass, taking it close to his mouth and staring at me intently—, kissed Narumi. On the lips. 

He downed a few gulps of his wine before inviting me to drink as well, and I felt both Jumin’s and Narumi’s eyes fixed on me. 

—I’m not playing. This is ridiculous— Zen huffed, his arms crossing in front of his chest as he looked elsewhere. 

—Haru, what are you doing?— I whispered to my friend, too shocked to even feel mad… yet. He brushed it off with another of his dazzling smiles. 

—Let me handle this, it’s fine. Zen? Is there something wrong? 

I noticed Jumin’s confused stare jumping among the three of us. The thought of lying to cover for Zen crossed my mind, but I was still mad at him and I hated lying way too much. Besides, I deserved an explanation and Jumin deserved the truth. 

—It’s alright, Hyun, you only have to drink if you’ve done what the prompt says. 

Jumin’s calming voice was even worse for the situation: Zen immediately crumbled, his shoulders downwards as he confesed his sins –oh, God, was I becoming him with all the drrama? 

He drank a sip of his wine, then looked at Jumin with a mixture of guilt and aggressiveness –as if daring him to say something yet dreading his saying something. When he finally caught the hint, his grey eyes widened just for a second. 

—Did you… kiss her?— Zen nodded—. How long ago? 

—A week exactly— Haru smiled before taking another sip, clearly enjoying the scene. I, for once, was starting to feel a lump on my throat. 

—We’ll talk about it when we get home— Jumin finally sentenced, his voice cold as I’d never heard it. Even though I was not to blame for what had happened, I almost wanted to apologize to him. 

A waiter saved us from the awkward silence that had been spreading for a couple of minutes, which not even Haru’s comments had managed to dissolve. Jumin was thoroughly avoiding Zen’s gaze as well as mine, and the atmosphere was becoming more and more unbearable by the minute. 

—I’m going to the bathroom— Zen muttered after his umpteenth time at trying and failing to get Jumin’s attention. 

Haru waited until the actor was out of sight to get up and follow him, but as he passed by Jumin’s side, he patted his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. My confusion became a skipped heart-beat as his widened eyes fixed on me, and I blushed when Haru left us alone because Jumin was still studying me. 

—Narumi— I cleared my throat before speaking, choosing my words carefully. She looked flustered and what I was about to say could contribute to her discomfort—. The information that Haru has just shared with me leads me to believe that he’s unworthy of your trust, whether said information is true or not. I will ask you about this, because it’s something that we should talk about if only to clear things out, but I first wanted to point that out in relation to him. 

—W-what did he say?— her confusion was evident both in her face and voice. I cleared my throat again. 

—He said that you’re in love with me— her blush didn’t give me tips on whether the fact was true or she was ashamed that someone would even suggest that, so I continued as calmly as I could—. I don’t care about the veracity of such statement. What I care about is that he shared with me a secret, in case it is true, or made up a lie in case it isn’t. However, if there’s something you’d like to discuss, I believe right now is the best moment to do so. 

She hesitated for a bit too long. As she opened her mouth to speak, a distant noise caught the attention of the entire restaurant. I looked back just in time to see Hyun approaching our table visibly troubled. The images of him and Narumi kissing flooded my mind immediately, though I tried to brush them away and focus on the situation at hand. 

—What’s wrong, Hyun? 

He sat down next to me and shot Narumi a furious glance. 

—The guy’s nuts, Narumi, NUTS! He isn’t getting anywhere near you, end of the story. 

—Wha… Haru?!?! 

I got up and neared him as he arrived to our table, his left eye covered by some ice. He dismissed my concerns with a gentle smile, but as I lifted his hand I discovered that his eye was becoming more and more purple by the second. I instantly turned to Zen. 

—Have you done this?! 

—He talked about you as if you were his property! He was a jerk and he deserved way more than just that!! 

—As much as I’m against violence, Hyun wouldn’t go this far unprovoked— Jumin backed him up, then glanced at me with a meaningfull expression—. Besides, you already know my take on how he’s untrustworthy. 

—You don’t even know what happened, how are you siding up with him if not because he’s your boyfriend?— Haru’s complaint sort of made sense, although I was starting to have doubts as he caressed my cheek, centering his attention on me—. I may have made a few comments out of line considering how Zen takes them, but he really has a problem thinking that I’m some kind of wolf. I’m clearly more like a panther. 

Everything was so chaotic and surreal that I honestly didn’t know how to react. Zen grabbed the table until his knuckles went white and then got up to stand between me and Haru. 

—Stay the hell away from her. 

—Why, do you want her all for yourself? 

—Haru! 

—She’d be better off with someone like me than with a jerk like you. It’s only a matter of time until she sees your true colours. 

Did Hyun really think so? What’s more, did he want to be that person for Narumi? Again, I couldn’t help picturing him kissing her, and adding that scene to the collection was pointing towards conclusions that I refused to reach, no matter how logical they were. 

I got up with the resolve to make things right, at least for the time being. I gestured to the waiters and the rest of the staff that it’d be me taking care of the situation before intruding the heated discussion between Hyun and Haru. 

—Enough is enough. We’re grown ups, so let’s act like such. Now, can we please sit down and stop arguing? 

—I’m not having lunch with that self-sufficient brat. I should have never agreed to this. 

Even if it wasn’t a big deal after all that had happened, Zen’s final point hurt way too much for me to bear. He hadn’t even intended to make an effort for me after behaving as awfully as he did, and figuring that out was what I needed to feel the tears flooding my eyes. I could also feel Jumin’s reluctancy to even look at me and Haru at that moment felt like an absolute stranger that had done nothing but complicate things more. 

I was emotionally exhausted. All I wanted was to cry in bed and never get out of it, and so I did. 

As Narumi ran towards the closest exit, Haru and I headed forward with her name in our mouths. 

—I got this— the asshole said right before trying to follow her. I grabbed his arm to stop him. 

—You’re not going after her, you jerk. Not after what you’ve said to me back there, and especially not after abandoning her whenever it suits you and toying with her when you’re back. I’m her best friend, I’m the one who can comfort her better. 

—Sadly, you’re not right for the task at hand either, Hyun— Jumin cooly pointed out, his fingers busy with his cufflinks while poor Narumi was out there SUFFERING—. There’s no way I’ll let you near her after learning that you kissed her. Nonetheless, and since she’s my friend too, I’ll take care of this. 

—You can’t go— the jerk said then, interposing between my boyfriend and the corridor—. You’ll just hurt her more. 

—What the hell do you know?!?! Don’t speak to Jumin like that, you piece of g…

—Hyun, enough— Jumin hesitated before exhalating heavily in defeat—. He’s probably right anyway. 

As bewildered and astonished as I was, Jumin wouldn’t give me any more details to explain his sudden agreement with Haru. The asphyxiating silence only grew tenser by the minute. 

—So, is letting her go cry alone really our best option?— the redhead finally asked. 

—Of course not!! 

Jumin sighed to my impatience before shaking his head. 

—She’s better off without any of us. I believe our safest bet right now is letting her choose the company she wishes to have, since the three of us have made quite a few mistakes already and are in no position to impose, if you’ll forgive the repetition. 

And so we did. We went back home, Haru waited in his hotel room and Narumi cried for as long as she wanted to until her issues begged her for some company. I picked up the phone as I rubbed away the tears from my face, also making sure that my voice sounded somewhat normal. I didn’t have to wait long for him to pick up. 

—Narumi, how are you? 

—I’m…— I was obviously not fine and I was also obviously unwilling to talk about it, so I bit my lip—. Can I go play with Elizabeth the 3rd? 

—Of course— I responded with as much kindness as I could put in those two words, the sound slightly misshapen by my involuntary grin. In spite of my mixed feelings towards her –the information about her kiss with Zen alongside the fact that she might or might not be in love with me–, it prided me to think that, out of us three, she’d preferred to share her moments of sorrow with me. 

Since I’d be the depositary of such trust, I made sure to comfort her just as she deserved. There would be plenty of time afterwards to solve all those crippling doubts that were eating up my core. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo… I don't think that went the way they expected it. As for Haru, I can assure you he's not as big of an asshole as he looks… well, he _is_ an asshole, but he's _our_ asshole. Or mine if you don't like him, lololol. I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts on the chapter down in the comments! As always, thank you for your kudos and see you in two weeks  <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand it's Friday of fanfic again! I won't make this long, just a reminder of the color guide with a surprise addition ;)  
> –Narumi’s part  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part  
> –Haru’s part  
> Narumi's upset about the whole lunch ordeal, so let's see how it all goes from then on!

I always seized those few seconds of turning the page to look at her. 

Narumi was blissfully petting Elizabeth the 3rd. Her own book was forgotten besides her, and her eyelids were becoming heavier by the minute as she relaxed with my purring lady. 

She hadn’t spoken much. She’d barely managed to smile at me before I let Elizabeth rest in her arms; the first time she had ever required that attention from me, I must admit I’d been surprised and lost as in how to act. However, it didn’t take me long to figure out that Narumi was similar to me: all she needed in those situations were a cat to pet and a friend that would be there for her when she was ready. She’d been that friend for me a couple of times, so I was always willing to return the favour. 

I advanced several pages on my reading before hearing a sigh from her. When I glanced in her direction, my eyes met Narumi’s. 

—I’m sorry. 

—You needn’t be sorry, Narumi— I responded softly, closing the book and letting it rest on the table as I shifted my attention to her—. None of the events that happened yesterday are your fault. 

—I didn’t mean those. I was talking about the kiss. 

Jumin’s expression changed instantly, although he didn’t seem mad. He looked like a hurt man, which made me feel even worse. 

—I should have told you about it— I continued—; if I didn’t, it was because it meant nothing. Zen’s in love with you and I’m sure he didn’t even realize what he was doing, he was just… mad at Haru, and…

—Who started the kiss? 

I hesitated to his sudden question, and I honestly considered the option of lying for his sake. However, I knew hiding the truth wouldn’t do any good. 

—He did. But it was in the middle of a heated discussion, and it didn’t even last that long,… 

I knew far too well how heatedly arguing with Zen could lead to more physical exchanges, which became more of a reason to worry about him. Did he go around kissing everyone who made him mad? And in case it had just been Narumi, was it because he’d been far too upset then or was there something else going on? 

—Could there be a chance that he’s in love with you? 

I saw her giving it a deep thought. I could always count on her honesty, even if the answer wouldn’t be to my liking, and Narumi didn’t fail me that time either. 

—Maybe— she spoke carefully, already bringing Elizabeth 3rd to my side so that I had my opportunity of caressing her—. But if there’s something I have no doubts about is that he loves you. He’s never been happier than by your side. 

Jumin nodded, acknowledging my words but not quite getting rid of his own doubts. I felt like hugging him, running my fingers through his hair and promising that Zen could never not love him –and that, in case he ever did, I’d make it my life goal to kick his ass until I lost my foot. That’s why I handed Elizabeth over, because she could give him all the love I shouldn’t. 

We both sighed when the cat stretched her paws drowsily as a cute yawn made her open her mouth widely, her tiny little fangs showing. Jumin rubbed the top of her head tenderly and that’s why I was buried with heart-shaped eyes. 

—Narumi— Jumin’s firm voice brought me back to life. I blinked and saw that gorgeous image of the man I was in love with petting the most beautiful cat in the world—. Is it a good time to talk about what Haru said? 

I refused with a shake of my head, looking away with an instant blush. Thankfully he respected my choice, so after a while it was the two of us caressing Elizabeth’s fur while vaguely commenting other topics. 

The sound of the door startled me: I was surprised to realize how dark it had gotten outside. Jumin seemed surprised too, for we both stood up just as Zen walked in the living room. 

—Oh… Narumi, hi. I didn’t know you w…

—I was just leaving— I said a bit too roughly, grabbing my coat in a hurry. 

Saying that I was hurt seeing Narumi like that was an understatement, though I honestly understood her hatred towards me. Jumin escorted her outside and offered her a ride sponsored by Driver Kim, which she always refused. 

There was a hint of disappointment in the last look she threw my way, and then I was sitting on the couch while wallowing in my sorrow. 

In the midst of my aching, Jumin finally decided to appear and sit down on his usual chair. He had a glass of wine in his hand, so I prepared myself for the toughest part of the night: _the_ conversation. 

—Are you in love with her? 

—NO!— I outragedly responded. 

I carefully observed his facial expression and weighed the tone of his voice. I also thought of how, even if he was overly dramatic, he never used to lie on important subjects. Given the recent events, believing him required a leap of faith from me; however, I was more than willing to let the subject go if he was so sure of himself. 

—Alright, then. I apologize for doubting you. 

He appeared startled, as if he’d been expecting an overly dramatic argument or so. I noticed how my features were stiff and softened them, offering him a smile in the process. 

—Are you still uneasy over something? 

—Well, Narumi’s still mad at me… and Haru is a jerk and she doesn’t see it, so I’m worried. 

—I think she now knows he’s not that reliable; she’s a cautious woman, so he won’t be able to fool her as easily. 

I sighed, still unconvinced although relieved to see Jumin making an effort to calm me down. When he suggested having dinner together with beer, I knew it was time to leave all that drama aside (for now) and finally spend a nice night with him. 

I was finally back home and ready to spend a nice night with myself when a familiar shape stood up at my door. I frowned. 

—I hope you haven’t had dinner yet— Haru lifted a plastic bag for me to see, his loose hair framing his gorgeous features—. Salmon sushi, your favourite. 

—You know, food won’t get you out of trouble that easy. 

Narumi was adorable, fidgeting with her keys while trying to remain unbothered. They were about to slip through her clumsy fingers a few times, but she managed to open the door in the end and I politely waited for her to decide whether she wanted me around or not. 

She stood there for a while, pondering her options. 

—I’m very mad at you. 

—You know how I love angry sex. 

She blushed but remained firm, which gave me a hint at how serious the situation was. I couldn’t count on food or sex saving my ass that time. 

—Can we at least talk about it over dinner?— she nodded reluctantly, opening the door a bit more for me, and I entered with a pleased smile—. Thank you, kitty. I’ll make it up to you. 

—I’M MAD AT YOU! 

She hurriedly left with the bag, fuming as she reminded herself not to fall for my charms. That only gave me more reasons to follow her and hug her from behind as she prepared everything. 

—Don’t try your luck, you still owe me a thousand apologies and I’m never introducing you to anyone ever again. 

Haru sighed, retreating a bit but setting my hair aside to caress my neck. I pursed my lips waiting for an apology; the sushi was almost completely set and he said nothing, so after it was all ready I turned around. 

—Why did you do all that? What the hell? 

He acquired the image of innocence to a degree where I wasn’t even sure I should be blaming him for anything. However, I stood strong even as his hands rested on the counter, caging me between it and his body. 

—Was it that bad…?

Haru had a husky voice as his dangerous eyes fixed on me. He was still trying to get out of trouble by seducing me, and I had to make my best effort so that it wouldn’t work. 

—It was HORRIBLE. I didn’t tell you about Zen’s kiss so that you’d make small talk out of it! 

—Zen didn’t have a right to kidnap you from our date and play with you that way either. 

—Oh, so because he was an ass you’re entitled to be one as well? 

—I was just doing everyone a favour— he sighed, starting to get pissed as well—: Jumin discovers that his boyfriend’s out there kissing other people, then he learns that you’re in love with him. He’d be an idiot not to take the chance to leave Zen and date you instead. 

—You can’t play with people like that!— Narumi seemed flustered upon realizing my true intentions that day, though she was still angry—. Jumin’s happy with Zen, so just leave it at that. Besides, you had no right to tell him about how I felt. 

I clenched my fists, tired of seeing her suffer without being able to stop it. She complained when I forcefully kissed her, my hand keeping her head close to mine as my body crushed hers. She eventually melted to my lips, so I softened and focused on savouring her, revelling in her involuntary moans. My leg stepped between hers and that’s when she placed her hands on my chest, putting a bit of distance between us. 

—See?— I muttered, searching for Narumi’s eyes with a crazed-out pulse beating in my ears—. And he’s missing all of this. Who on Earth…?

Don’t fall in love, Narumi. Don’t. 

I kissed her again with contained fury, knowing all too well it should be him doing that. She had no option but to surrender to me, and soon enough I found myself devouring her as she struggled to keep her balance. 

I was still trembling and half nakedly leaning on the counter when Haru deposited a piece of sushi right into my mouth. 

—You’re going to need that— he stated, carrying me in his arms without even asking first. He handed me the plate before leading the way to the bedroom—. It’s going to be a long night. 

It was a long night. 

Jumin’s fingers were caressing my hair as my head rested on his chest and, even though I’d been fighting against too many doubts since that infamous kiss, I finally had a chance to focus. 

—I love you— I said in a rough voice, knowing my words to be true. 

—I love you too— he responded. 

It felt right. That’s how I knew I couldn’t be in love with her. 

That was also the last night I was able to fool myself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, Zen, I don't think we needed more cliff-hangers… didn't we? Anyways! I hope you liked Haru's POV on this chapter and I'm really looking forward to seeing what you think about the story so far! Thank you for your lovely comments and kudos, and thank you above all for reading <3 See you again in two weeks!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another two weeks have gone by, oh my! Just the quick reminder of the color POVs and then we're ready:
> 
> –Narumi’s part
> 
> –Zen’s part
> 
> –Jumin’s part
> 
> Enjoy the reading! <3

**Haru:**

_I sealed the deal and they need me back_

_See you again soon, kitty_

_Don’t miss me too much_

And that was it. 

He always left that way. He hated goodbyes. He also hated texting, so I knew I wouldn’t learn much more from him until he got back here, which could take months or even a couple of years. 

—“Don’t miss me too much,” huh?— I pursed my lips, then let out a sigh followed by the saddest, most resigned laugh I’d ever heard from me—. I miss you already, you idiot. Just for once, it would’ve been nice to have one last hug…

I didn’t even bother to reply to him. Instead, I focused on work for as long as I could. However, that soon proved to be the worst idea I’d had all day. The novel I was currently editing was some depressive bullshit of unrequited love and the corny main character’s feelings were starting to resemble mine to a concerning degree. 

I closed the laptop and prepared some hot chocolate before blasting my favourite band’s last album as high as I could, dancing all over the place. I realized one of the songs, Pool, seemed to be narrating my situation and replayed it over and over until the neighbours knocked on the door. 

I was suddenly reminded of my introversion: my cheeks blushed as I lowered the volume of the music before opening the door, ready to accept the well-deserved complaints. 

Zen was on the other side. Bewildered as I was, I let him hug me before remembering that I was terribly mad at him. 

—I came as fast as I could— I spoke before giving her a chance to react, then looked at her in the eyes and heaved a sigh—. I’m sorry for being a jerk. We can talk about it later. Are you okay? 

I saw the hesitation on her features, then a second to think about it. She looked… sweaty? As if she’d been doing some exercise before my arrival; I’d expected to find her terribly sad and tired, though she honestly looked more on the angry and active side. 

—Can I have it signed?— I tilted my head and she explained herself—. You’ve admitted you were a jerk. I want it written down and signed. 

I sighed while agreeing to it, convincing myself that she was actually asking for my autograph instead. 

_“I was a jerk. Thank you for always being so delightful and supporting me no matter what <3” –Zen_

I would frame that tiny paper as soon as I could. I put it on my bedside table before focusing on my guest, who by then was invading my kitchen. 

—What the hell are you…?

—I’m preparing you some hot chocolate. Where’s your Hufflepuff mug? 

I stuttered, then embarrassedly held it for him to see that it had already contained one cup of hot chocolate that day. 

I smiled fondly at her before grabbing the mug and cleaning it myself. Whenever the bastard left or she was feeling especially upset, she always resorted to her comfort beverage in her favourite cup. I already knew the ritual, so the least I could do was perform it in her stead. 

—Go sit on the couch, I’ll be there in a minute with everything. 

—I think I’m going to stay. 

Her voice was low, as if unwilling to recognize that she wanted me around. I hurried and in a couple of minutes Narumi was nestled in my arms, with the mug -from which a paper umbrella was popping out- in her hands and a blanket covering the both of us. 

—Do you want to talk about it?— I finally dared to ask, observing her delighted as she drank little sips. She was adorable, even when she frowned like that. 

—I’d rather talk about you being a jerk. 

I huffed, but knew I probably deserved it. I sipped a bit more of chocolate while patiently waiting, and he put my hair aside from my face. 

—I still stand on Haru being a jerk—he admitted with gritted teeth, but he continued before I could interrupt him—; however… I… no matter what my intentions were, I acted wrongly. I’m sorry. 

—So you won’t act that way again? 

He sighed and I turned around enough to stare into his eyes. 

—Well, it depends. If you’re in danger I won’t just sit by! 

—In that case, just wait until I ask you for help! 

—What if you can’t?! Narumi…

—Zen…!

I humphed and he sighed, both exasperated. I knew it had to be me yielding that time, so I held a finger to boop her nose before caressing her cheek in surrender. 

—You already know what I think of him, so I won’t bring it up anymore and I’ll let you do whatever you want. It’s just… you always look so down when he leaves. I hate it, couldn’t he… stay? Or something? Not that I want him around, but if you do…

Narumi hugged me so tightly that I thought I was going to implode. I stroke her hair while returning the embrace, the blood on my body rushing to my cheeks. 

—Thank you, Zen— she muttered, her own face beautifully flushed in light pink. She looked so adorable anWOAH OMG I COULD SEE HER CLEAVAGE-

—ALL MEN ARE WOLVES— I screamed while jumping away, already noticing the blood from my cheeks going south. I cursed my cruel fate, condemned to live as a beast that couldn’t contain its instincts even when around innocent friends. Poor Narumi stared at me bewildered, so that’s when I decided to explain—. You have to be careful, your… your b… I mean… I could almost see… My God, cover yourself already! 

The drama queen was out. I facepalmed as Zen very obviously focused on looking elsewhere. I was wearing an old pyjamas with a high neckline, and there wasn’t even that much to show in case you could actually see anything. 

—It’s no big deal, Zen; I’m even wearing a bra. 

The thought of a shirtless Narumi with a black-lace bra only, her orange hair curling on her shoulders and downwards, crossed my mind. I was instantly drained of blood, seen as all of it had gone one pervert place at a time. 

—S-s-s-stop! Don’t tell me what you’re wearing!! 

—Why?! 

—BecAUSE I’M PICTURING IT!!! 

—Well, DON’T PICTURE IT!!! 

—AS IF IT WERE THAT EASY. Say, if I tell you that I’m wearing tight boxers, what do you picture in your mind? 

—You wearing tight…— I violently blushed and stopped myself from talking before snapping at him—. BUT IT’S YOUR FAULT, YOU PUT THAT IMAGE THERE! 

—WELL, THAT’S WHAT YOU DID WITH THE BRA THING. 

I sighed, realizing how stupid we probably looked from the outside. When I giggled, he relaxed a little. 

—We’re so silly. 

—You’re really careless— he was now using his big brother voice, nagging at me with a frown—. You shouldn’t let people see you exposed like that. 

—First of all, there was nothing being exposed! Second of all, we’ve just discussed that you have no say in what I do. And ~~Elizabeth the~~ third, I’m not like this with everyone. I’m like this with you because I know I can trust you to not be an animal around me. 

—You’re not safe from me! I already kissed you once! What could be next?! 

—Zeeeeen. You’re not going to attack me, stop being so dramatic. 

—You cannot know that for sure. 

His voice was deep and solemn, his hand rising to his forehead as the drama flowed through his veins. I stood up and circled him with my arms, laying my head on his chest. 

—I know you’re not some beast unable to control yourself. Besides, we’re friends and you’ve got Jumin. 

I finally gave in and returned her hug, burying my nose on her hair and smelling it leisurely. I squeezed her body tighter against mine before noticing I was becoming selfish again and reluctantly let her go, trying to come up with a non-selfish idea to make her feel better. 

—Hey, so… do you want to talk about it now?— she bit her lip, so I lifted my hands in the air—. I will only listen if that’s what you want. 

—It’s not that, it’s… you already hate Haru, and I’m mad at him, so… I don’t want you to hate him more than you already do, especially because of me. 

—It’ll be hard for me to hate him even more, trust me. 

She rolled her eyes, then sat on the couch and dragged me with her. I cuddled her again and waited patiently until she felt like speaking. She wouldn’t, so I eventually sighed and swallowed my pride. 

—I guess… If you’ve seen something good in him, I guess he’s probably not all that bad. 

—Sigh... under any other circumstance, I would've loved to hear you saying that, but... he's a jerk— I admitted, and just as fast I shook my head repenting my words—. He's not a jerk, aaaahh... He's... I knew what I was getting myself into. He won’t always be there for me and he doesn’t do texting or goodbyes, yet I still put some expectations on him that I shouldn't have. 

—I don't think wanting a goodbye from someone is expecting too much. Jeez, it's not even polite to leave without saying anything. 

I nodded heavily before feeling Zen moving to get up. He muttered that he had an idea and disappeared inside my room only to come back with a red dress of mine on his head. 

—Here, pretend that I’m Haru. You can say goodbye to him now. 

I giggled as he strived to turn the dress into a high ponytail, though he suddenly got into character and looked at me the way Haru usually did; eyebrows relaxed –although one a little bit higher, as if expecting me to talk– and a smug grin that could easily become a sexy smirk if needed. 

—Haru wouldn’t look that arrogant— I pointed out, attempting to hide how I was actually freaking out over how much Zen resembled him right then. 

—Yeah, I guess with you he wouldn’t… Is it better this way? 

His grin softened, still preserving the sexy aura that always accompanied Haru. I blinked a couple of times, then made an effort not to blush. 

—I, uhm… hi. 

—Your incredibly handsome friend Zen’s told me that you wanted to say something to me before I left, so what was it? 

She let out the first honest laugh that day, then looked at me pursing her lips. 

—I… wanted to say goodbye— she paused, staring at her feet before resuming—. You always leave like that. I wish I could at least hug you one last time. 

To be fair, I didn’t know enough about Haru to know what his exact answer would be in that situation. I finally opted for showcasing an attractive smile and hated myself before letting out the words I pictured him saying: 

—Are you sure that’s all you want? I could give you much more than a hug,— I hesitated a bit, trying to remember the nickname he used with her—… kitten? 

—Kitty— Narumi corrected me while hugging me, then whispered the words that broke my heart and made me want to punch the guy—. I miss you already. 

Upon realizing that there was a hole in Narumi’s heart that I’d never be able to fill, I figured it all out at last. 

I figured Hyun wouldn’t be back until late as he’d be busy taking care of Narumi. We both knew how deeply it affected her when Haru left, so I was happy to know that there was someone watching over her even if that meant I’d miss my boyfriend’s company that day. However, I did not expect his exhausted features when he finally arrived. 

—Is Narumi alright?— I asked, keeping the threat of anxiety at bay. He nodded and looked at me with something I distinguished as guilt. 

—And I think I’m in love with her. 

I observed him, emotionless, the shock not quite allowing me to register the meaning of his words. 

—I’m sorry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Laughs nervously* W-well… see you in two weeks! ~~(please, don't kill me for leaving it this way)~~ <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good day, wonderful readers! I won't keep you here long, so reminder of the color guide:  
> –Narumi’s part  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part
> 
> Have a good read! <3

**Narumi:**

_I think we should be strictly just friends from now on_

**Haru:**

_Ok_

I sighed, turned off my phone and went out for a walk to my favourite spots in town. While part of me wished that Haru had fought for whatever we’d been, and said part was frustrated by those two letters, I soon found out that I was relieved. I could have my own time to detox, to focus on forgetting about him and feeling better. 

And I would have… had I could have. 

Zen had asked me to meet him after a day and a half of knowing nothing from him. He sounded mysterious when I tried to find out what it was all about, so I assumed it was another of his dramas. 

I arrived to the cafeteria we’d agreed upon almost thirty minutes early. I got up from my table surprised to see her there already, and as she approached me with the same expression I realized we probably felt equally anxious. 

—What’s wrong, Zen? Your message left me worried…

I had rehearsed that very same speech a hundred times back at my place but, in that moment and with Narumi before me, I truly noticed how hard it would be for me to speak those words. 

—Narumi, I told Jumin the other day that I’ve noticed I’m…— I stared at her hands, unable to reach out to them. After struggling a bit longer, I looked at her in the eyes—. I’m… in love with you. And I still love him, so I can’t spend time with you until I get rid of those feelings. 

The shock didn’t allow me to pay attention to any of his following words. I figured he had this whole speech ready, but I couldn’t believe it. Zen, in love with me? Zen?! His boyfriend was the man of my dreams, yet he seemed to have eyes for someone like… me?

—Oh, please, no, Narumi, don’t pout…

Her hands autommatically flew to her face, her fingers covering her mouth. I felt terrible, more so when she couldn’t help crying.

—I understand why we can’t see each other anymore, but I don’t want to lose you!— Narumi’s face was buried in the palms of her hands as she sobbed, trying her hardest to repress her sadness—. And I’m so selfish for saying that… for even thinking that… you’re the one who’s having the hard time, s–

I got up and hugged her, shushing her softly whenever she tried to speak. She finally let herself relax in my arms, and I treasured that moment knowing that I’d miss her when we parted ways. 

I couldn’t tell him about Haru. Heck, I couldn’t even bring myself to ask the important questions; all I could do at the moment was cling onto him, hug him and revel in his soothing smell and calming voice. For once I was the drama queen, though I made sure to stop crying as fast as I could to focus on my friend right then.

—How are you?

I let out a sorrowful smile while brushing her cheek, then suddenly stopped when we both froze to the touch.

—I’ll be fine. I’m just going to miss you a lot— I sensed that she was planning on apologizing for God knows what, so I spoke to interrupt her—. And please, do not dare to say you’re sorry. My feelings aren’t your fault.

She nodded, unwilling to argue, and then posed the question she’d been dreading to ask.

—How are things with Jumin? You two aren’t going to break up, right?

—No, we aren’t. He… will be fine too, I hope. He’s glad that we talked before anything happened.

I nodded, relieved that at least something was fine. However, I knew I wouldn’t be able to rest properly until I talked to Jumin about the whole thing.

I made sure to comfort Zen and rid him from the guiltiness he might’ve been feeling over “abandoning” me. I promised him I understood and I swore, a bit too convincingly, that I’d get mad at him if he didn’t get over me.

Even though it was appealing, we both knew we couldn’t stay there and simply chat. I felt a pang of uneasiness in my stomach as he got up first, far earlier than I’d wanted him to. 

—I should get going, then. I…— “I’m gonna miss you,” I thought —. Bye, Narumi. 

—Bye, Zen. Take care. 

His rapid steps putting distance between us only made the uneasiness in me grow. I grabbed my purse and headed straight to the C&R building, knowing that I wouldn’t feel better until I spoke with Jumin. 

I felt inclined to think that I wouldn’t feel better until I spoke with Narumi. However, her otherwise light and easygoing presence in my life had become a knot amongst my tangled threads overnight. 

“She has done nothing wrong,” I repeated to myself while autommatically signing papers and carelessly reading documents. “Zen’s feelings brought those complications upon her. She is not to blame.” 

I pinched my nose and pressed my eyes shut, in dire need to rid myself of all those useless and impulsive thoughts. I couldn’t allow myself to get distracted. I needed to move on. I shot a quick glance at my phone. My hand reached out for it when I suddenly found myself freezing in the middle of such an inoffensive movement. 

Not even all the logics in the world could push me to call her. Those analytic words served little to nothing right then, for my unsettled mind could only focus on how easy it would be to lose her. To lose both of them. 

I dropped my hand in itching defeat, immediately clinging onto work so that I wouldn’t have to tend to my increasingly out of control thoughts. A few knocks on the door sounded in the worst possible time. 

—Mr. Han, Narumi’s here. Should I tell her to come in? 

I waited patiently outside; it was a formality to have Jaehee “announcing” my arrival, though I never liked barging in myself in case I caused an interruption of any sorts. However, as I was slowly nearing the door, I saw Jaehee coming out and closing it behind her, an apology written all over her face. 

—Sorry, Narumi, he’s busy at the moment. Would you like to wait here? 

I nodded, the uneasiness doing nothing but worsen. My breathing would get out of control if I let things like that increase my anxiousness, so I focused on the air I was getting in and out of my lungs steadily while repeating in my head how it wasn’t a big deal. How I just had to be patient. 

Nearly forty minutes of waiting had gone by when I got up, feeling Jaehee’s concerned eyes on me. She didn’t say anything, but she’d surely noticed how I wasn’t fine that day. 

—I’m going out to get a coffee, do you want one? 

—Yes, thank you, Narumi. 

Fifteen minutes later I was back and handing over the assistant’s coffee. She didn’t have time to drink it while having a chat with me, so I just hoped for Jumin to be done with whatever it was that was taking him so long so that he’d…

“Oh, wait, shit, the door’s opening…!”

When he fixed his eyes on me, he looked slightly bewildered. 

—Narumi? How come you’re still here?

—I waited because I needed to talk to you. 

There was something in her voice that made me think she felt relieved. She stood up and gathered her belongings before heading towards my office, so I cleared my throat and she stopped midway. 

—I’m afraid I can’t speak with you at the moment. Assistant Kang, I needed you to hand me those binders three minutes ago. You should know better than to keep me waiting. 

His scolding words had never sounded so cold, and with an undertone of anger that I’d never witnessed on him. His door closed behind him and, to this day, no one knows how I managed to turn around, offer a smile to Jaehee and tell her that I’d leave and come again any other day. 

“Everything will be okay,” I lied to myself, burying deep down the real question that was popping inside my head. “Everything will be fine. He won’t hate me.” 

The palms of my hands pressed the surface of my desk, my whole weight resting on them as I wondered what had I just done. 

My thoughts were so wildly disrupted that I chose something to focus on before rearranging them: the pen my father had given me was near the pile of contracts I had been going through earlier. I forced myself to notice its lines, the shape and size of the engaged diamonds as well as the shifts of lighting whenever I moved it. 

My shoulders were still tense, so I sat on my chair and forced them down before deciding to get up and walk. “What am I doing?,” I thought. “She’s not to blame. I actually wanted to talk to her.” 

The logics soon began sinking in my feelings, thus letting the realization of my actions fall on me. And still, the minutes relentlessly passed as I slowly worked on overcoming my pride. By the time I had adjusted my tie and cuffs and opened the door, she was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this angsty yet? God, it surely felt hard to write. I miss my _Does this fic is fluffy?_ days already T_______T Anyways, I hope you're enjoying it! And, as always, thank you so so much for your lovely comments and your kudos, they make my day  <3 See you in two weeks!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hiii, you gorgeous! I had a few things to deal with, so it took me a while longer to upload today –sorry if I've kept you waiting :S As always, here's a reminder of the colour guide:
> 
> –Narumi’s part
> 
> –Zen’s part
> 
> –Jumin’s part
> 
> Now, time to read! Enjoy it <3

It was a sunny day. 

Zen had suggested sharing a tub of ice-cream at the terrace, so I had postponed that morning’s meeting to comply. He had been acting more lively as of lately, which I was utterly thankful for after those first few weeks without her in our lives. 

I hadn’t found it in me to talk to her. Two options often presented themselves in my mind, either my jealousy evolving into poisoned words meant to tear her apart or my will bending to her sorrow and attempting to erase her pain whilst dismissing my own. Neither of those felt like a good choice, obviously. The only possibility that remained was fleeing, and so I did. And I wasn’t proud of that, but at the moment it was all I could do. 

I had tasked Assistant Kang with texting one single message to her on my behalf. Its content asked Narumi to drop all intentions of communitating with either Hyun or me, since I no longer considered her more than a former friend. I had assumed she’d need no explaining, and I cut all of my assistant’s attempts at confronting me on the matter. 

Jumin was deep in thought again. I couldn’t remember a single moment over the past half month that he hadn’t been. Saying something would be useless, so I “accidentally” clashed my spoon with his while getting some ice-cream from his side. That woke up the freakishly controlling and perfectionist side of his. 

—There’s plenty of ice-cream left on your share and you know it bothers me when you do that— he whined, although with an apathetic voice. 

I sighed and left the spoon there, torn between saying it or not. There was a really big chance that he might take what I was thinking the wrong way, but I was sick of letting things stay the same, waiting for them to change when he was so stubborn. 

—How long has it been since the last time you saw her?— Hyun asked, much to my surprise. 

—Seventeen days. 

—You miss her, don’t you?— I scoffed and Hyun continued down that road—. Listen, the fact that I can’t be near her doesn’t mean that you have to stay away too. She’s your best friend, for God’s sake, and you need her! I’m tired of pretending that nothing’s wrong when it clearly is. 

—Is that it?— Jumin asked after a brief pause. I bit my lip but nodded, and he resumed with the ice-cream eating—. I’ll take your thoughts into account. Thank you. 

—Don’t treat me like a bloody client, Jumin, I’m your _boyfriend_. Just pick up the phone and call her if you don’t want me arranging it for the two of you. 

I startled, for I had expected nothing like that. As always, Hyun’s eyes burnt with that well-known obstinacy of his. He wouldn’t let this go, so I finally yielded when the image of him contacting Narumi again crossed my mind. 

—Good— he approved with a bow of his head, his frown still furrowed. 

—Wouldn’t you like to have more? 

Jumin had given me some time before his question came accompanied by his offering of the ice-cream tub. I looked at it, then at him, and I felt the annoyance wearing off in a matter of seconds. 

—I would, but I want to get it from somewhere else. 

Before he could question where that was, I kissed him. The sweet definitely tasted better coming directly from his mouth. 

Her mouth was pursed in an impatient grimace, yet I could guess a smile forming on it as a few quirky seconds went by. I would’ve put on my best poker face had I been any good at showcasing those, but since I was unable to conceal my feelings, I just let a casual, relaxed smile out while I sat down at the café she’d chosen for us. It reminded me of one of those french cafés, with the umbrellas, round tables and posh chairs in the middle of the street. 

Okay, I was thinking too much and my partner was becoming impatient to the point of nearly exploding. 

—Thank you for agreeing to meet me so soon, Mary. Have you got any idea of why I’ve called you today?— I tentatively started, her agitation clearly obvious with the way she was hopping on her seat. 

—Has your boss read it?— I nodded, my smile larger now as her expression shifted to one of expectancy—. Did she like it? Please, tell me she liked it. 

—She loved it. 

—KYAAAAAA— Mary squealed before having her hands cover her mouth immediately, then her whole face. 

—And, as you may have guessed, I will be the editor in charge of your novel. I’m here to discuss with you the first draft you sent me, if you have the time to do so now. If not, we can arrange anoth-…

—I can, I can— she hurriedly assured me. 

—Alright, well, so I have a few notes for you already on the overall plot— I continued, happy to see her so willing to listen and revise the story—. After we’re done commenting these ones, we can start reviewing and correcting one chapter at a time. 

She agreed to my every word and made the whole process very easy. As we talked over her novel and how the plot developed and branched around the main character, I started feeling that thrilling sensation again. That one when you know a book is good and you’re helping it become greater before the public has a chance to read it. It was especially refreshing due to how much I’d hated my previous project, so when my boss allowed me to focus on this one instead, I actually squealed in her office. 

My thoughts didn’t get further than that: I got them in line and centered my attention on Mary again. Right while I was drinking a bit of coffee during a moment of her reading some of my notes, my phone buzzed on my coat and startled me. 

—Sorry, I forgot to turn it off… o-oh— my words slurred and stumbled, a knot suddenly tightening my throat and heavily hanging over my chest. 

That discomfort inside my throat and oppresion on my chest were symptoms of anxiety, and surely sensations to which I wasn’t accustomed. Again, I reflected on my reasons to call her after what had happened –to be more precise, after how I’d behaved. Thus the reason why I was sincerely astonished when she, in fact, accepted my call. 

—Excuse me just a second…— the sound of a chair being dragged smudged her voice—. Jumin? Are you okay? 

—Mmm… yes. 

I closed my eyes in frustration. At the moment, it seemed impossible for me to get any more words out. She stuttered, obviously waiting for me to continue, then decided to carry on herself. 

—Is Z…? Is _everything_ okay?— I cursed myself for almost saying his name, seen as the last thing I wanted was to cause any more problems. Then I got angry at myself: why was _I_ worrying over saying and doing something wrong when I _hadn’t_? I actually deserved an apology from Jumin, and I was going to get it. 

—Yes— he clarified immediately. I waited a bit longer that time, but was about to talk when he finally remembered how to interact—. I’d like to invite you to lunch today, if that’s possible. 

—I have plans already with a few friends, but if you want to talk I could meet you in half an hour or so. 

Goddammit, why didn’t I sound mad? I _was_ mad. That man had ignored me for more than two weeks and now he’d come back and was acting as if nothing had happened. The fact that his voice was so irremediably deep to the point of resonating in every single bone of my body couldn’t distract me from my UNDYING RAGE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. 

The undying rage and I were angrily heading towards the park we’d decided on as a meeting spot over the phone earlier. We arrived to the lake and just at that instant I was forced to walk right back to the path, seeking a breath of fresh air. 

I had seen him. And he was absolutely stunning. Men in suits looking all handsome near a watery lake full of water and plants and ducks were my undoing. Oh, shit, that was no good. I was losing track of my thoughts and words were just doing weird stuff. 

—FUCK— I yelled to a tree, almost about to kick it when I realized I’d feel bad for it if I did that. 

I turned around convinced that I’d heard a familiar voice only to see Narumi heading towards me with a rather comical expression. Her brow was intently furrowed as if she were trying to appear furious; however, since she had enough reason to feel hatred towards me I simply hid my grin as best as I could. My uneasiness was of help on that task. 

—Hi, Narumi. Thank you for agreeing to meet me in such a short notice. 

—Why now, after you’ve gone this long avoiding me? 

“Because it is true that I need a friend,” I thought. Those words had me immediately noticing how outrageously selfish I had become, so I cleared them from my head and offered her the answer she truly deserved. 

—Because you deserve an apology. Narumi, I’m sorry. 

The muscles from her face relaxed as she listened to all I had to say, and I found myself wondering how long should I wait until it was acceptable for me to hug her for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime. When had I developed such greediness? Why had I vanished her from my life without a second thought? More importantly, how? Because, after being reminded of the beauty in her smile, it was impossible for me to even consider abandoning her again. 

Jumin was looking at me as if he were seeing colors for the first time in forever and I was melting. “Narumi, focus, you’re only seeing what you want to see. He’s obviously just happy to have you back,” I struggled to think as the words of his apology erased the pain of every day without him until they looked like a distant memory. 

I was still deep in thought when he finished speaking, my eyes wandering from the water to the clear sky. It took me a while to realize that he was awaiting an answer and, when I did notice, I had to think about what to reply to him. I stopped tapping my foot, observed the lake and sighed. 

—How did you come to the idea of calling me today? 

His answer, a thin smile laughing at a private joke, left me more puzzled. 

—He doesn’t know how to eat ice-cream properly. 

* * *

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d arrived home so relaxed. 

Off with the coat and down with the usual glass of wine, which I drank while petting Elizabeth 3rd distractedly. I analized calmly the tangle of threads that the evening had left me with; as I had propheticized, there was a slight jealousy towards Narumi due to Hyun’s feelings. However, the overwhelming way in which I’d missed her company was more than enough to tip the balance in her favour. 

_—May I treat you to lunch to compensate for these past couple of weeks?_ — I remembered saying. 

_—I still have a lot to think about. I’m… still hurt, Jumin._

Her pleading eyes had left no room for discussion, only for regret. I had nodded and we’d said goodbye then, not before she promised she’d reach out to me in the following days. 

I remember thinking I’d be able to leave then without more than a few goodbye words. _I made the mistake of looking back. Jumin’s gaze wasn’t fixed on the water, but on me. As our eyes met, my stomach churned with the familiar sensation of getting caught even though I had done nothing wrong. What lost me was his faint smile right then, his slight nod of the head. I traced my steps back and hugged him without asking for permission._

—I’ve truly missed you…— I said out loud to my empty apartment, the events from earlier still crowding my mind. That’s when his cryptic words caught my attention again, and I couldn’t help myself. 

**Narumi:**

_Jumin, what did you mean when you said that ice-cream thing?_

Before I could think of an answer, I realized that Narumi had failed to use the pun she normally repeated when asking me for clarification. I had been convinced of my disliking it since it was a mistake she made on purpose, so when I realized I yearned for her to say it I frowned. I reminisced on how we’d split that chocolate ice-cream once, the first time in my adult life that I’d ever shared food from the same container with anyone. 

_—You don’t like eating from the same tub as someone else, do you?_ — she had asked, noticing my discomfort—. _It’s okay, I don’t really like it either. I’ll stick to this side of the ice-cream and you’ll eat the other one, alright?_

_—Fair enough._

And, just by respecting my unspoken boundaries, she had managed to make me enjoy something I had hated until then. First the ice-cream and now the word-play. Slowly, Narumi had extended my comfort zone so that any novelty would be, at the very least, bearable if she was involved in it as well. 

It was not polite to keep her waiting for a reply, so I briefly put aside those new discoveries before answering to her, knowing how I’d reflect on that later on. 

**Jumin:**

_A private joke that shall remain private, if you’ll allow it._

I was curious, that I had to admit, but it felt like something I needed to respect. Insisting on it wasn’t an option and I was fairly tired, so after informing him that I wouldn’t be around the phone for the rest of the evening I went for a bubble bath. 

I wasn’t one to take baths, but sometimes my head was so full of thoughts that it was the only way I could make sure it wouldn’t explode. It was also good to start anew, more so since I needed to get some work done on Mary’s novel before the end of the day. 

A sigh escaped my lips as I sank into the warm water, the tiredness slowly wearing off from my body. That annoying habit of having my thoughts directed to him again made me huff, but no matter how hard I tried, his gorgeous smile wouldn’t rub off of my closed eyelids. 

I missed him because he was my friend. I often reenacted our kiss in my head because I missed him. Right? I couldn’t be in love with Zen… just like I shouldn’t be in love with Jumin. However, not even seeing him again that evening had managed to get his boyfriend out of my head, which was concerning. 

The guilt of my inexistent sins came crawling back to feed me more anxiety, and no amount of burning water would take that away. I got into my pyjamas, sat down on the couch and forced myself to dismiss the knot in my stomach, which usually meant changing my sitting/laying position for a more comfortable one. However, the uneasiness was so deep within me that it wouldn’t go away. 

I resisted it for as much as I could, but the time to go to bed arrived anyway and I couldn’t help picturing myself in his arms again as I closed my eyes for the last time that day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting all tangled up and I'm the one who has to solve the mess, ha ^^' Well, I hope you enjoyed it anyways and I'd be more than happy to read what you thought on the comments :) Thank you for your kudos and support and have a great day! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good day, darlings! I'm in a bit of a hurry, so here's the reminder for the color guide:
> 
> –Narumi’s part
> 
> –Zen’s part
> 
> –Jumin’s part
> 
> Enjoy the reading! <3

It was one of those evenings that, even with a lack of the best wine, would’ve turned out perfect regardless. 

I had the wonderful company to thank for. Since Hyun’s schedule was full of rehearsals and arrangements for his upcoming play, the time I had left to spare from my own responsibilities I devoted to my hobbies and Narumi. 

She, too, had been busy as of late; however, not a Thursday went by without us meeting to go for a walk, for coffee or for any other activity either of us wanted to do. That day in particular, she’d invited me to her place while she painted, a pastime in which she hadn’t been able to indulge for a long time. 

I wasn’t nervous even though Jumin’s grey irises were on me. As I’d told him earlier, oil painting was especially relaxing for me if I painted skin. Once I managed to find the exact mixture of colours I needed for the piece, everything else ran smoothly. 

I listened attentively to Jumin’s smooth voice sharing details of his day with me until we were interrupted by a phone call. He excused himself and went out of the room to answer it. When he returned shortly after, I just glanced at him once. 

—More work?— he nodded, his hands keeping his vest in place as he sank down the seat again, and his slim fingers circled his glass of wine while I shot him a sympathetic grin—. Please, promise me you’ll go on a vacation after that critical deal is closed. 

He scoffed, but thought about it for a few seconds before agreeing to it. 

—That seems very appealing at the moment, perhaps I should organize a trip…— I left the overall idea floating, for my holiday planning involved Hyun and I didn’t want to mention him in front of Narumi. It was yet a sensitive matter. 

Weeks had gone by without them having any kind of relationship while our –Narumi and my– friendship blossomed. She had found it in herself to forgive my poor manners and I had managed to set my irrational jealousy aside, so all was supposed to be well. 

However, the unresolved issues were tight knots darkening my every thought. Exactly like in past days, I observed Narumi from the corner of my eyes as she obliviously painted. The words her friend Haru had shared with me had adulterated up until my last thought, forcing them all to revolve around the possibility that she might be in love with me. 

More than once I had found myself attempting to read her expression, but whether her bright smile meant frienship or else I couldn’t quite dec–

—Jumin? Are you alright? 

Her brush was hanging mid-air, her head tilted towards me in confussion. 

—Exquisitely— to accompany the statement, a soft smile tugged at the end of his lips. He usually became more expressive when he wanted to hide something, but I was prevented of saying anything because, right then, he stood up and strode my way—. I’m interested in your technique, is it alright if I watch from a closer distance? 

—Sure— she squirmed almost imperceptibly, then resumed painting with a slightly insecure stroke—. I don’t really have a technique, I’m self-taught, so what I do mainly involves playing around with different shades of color and blending them out until I get what I want… sort of. Crap! Oh, f… shit. 

I was startled by her cursing. To be fair, I hadn’t been paying attention to the canvas. I had been focusing on her profile instead: her stubborn frown, sharp eyes and her tense lips stretched to their corner. It was a rare expression on her usually soft features, and I found myself wanting to examine it in depth. 

My nonsensical blabbering of curse words got lost somewhere as I rubbed the oil. I managed to get rid of the mistake somehow, and tried to cover it up with a new layer of non-screwed-up paint without messing up its surroundings. The lack of sound –apart from the strokes of my brush– was soon suspicious. Was Jumin simply observing the calamity I dared to call art? 

I shyly spied from the corner of my eyes as my hand kept up with its motions; however, it didn’t matter how discrete I was. Jumin’s glance was entirely and unashamedly fixed on me. 

My arm hung by my side as I turned around to face his stare in utter confusion. 

“God, she _is_ cute,” I attempted to disguise a scoff before that thought and lifted my hand towards her chin. 

“WAT. IS. HAPPENING.” I was stone-still and refusing to believe it. Oh, damn, was Jumin tilting his hEAD?! 

My thumb rubbed the side of her lower lip carefully. It wasn’t wiping out the paint as much as smudging it further. Why hadn’t I thought of using a handkerchief earlier? Had the touch of her skin distracted me to that point? 

Jumin. 

Han. 

Was. 

Caressing. 

My. 

Lip. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Haru’s words made yet another appearance from the bottom of my tight knots. Could it be? Was she in love with me? 

Everything was a chaotic haze inside my head. Was he about to lean in to kiss me? What was I supposed to do with that information if she was? Was he just being… “friendly”? Why couldn’t I take that question out of my head? Oh, God, was he thinking about my kiss with Zen? What was she thinking of at that moment, with that surprised expression as all clue? Whatever was ocurring beneath those ravenish, silky-looking locks, I _needed_ to know.

—Are you in love with someone? 

It came out as a whisper. I wasn’t the only one caught off guard by that question, Jumin himself seemed taken aback by it. If normally I was unable to lie, the overwhelming intimacy made it completely impossible for me to even think about it. 

She nodded, and that’s when I felt a spiral of thoughts collapsing. “ _Who?_ Who is it?” “Why are you asking? Why do you wanna know?” “Why do I _need_ to know?” “What are you going to do when I tell you the truth?” “Is it me?” “Are you going to leave in order to protect me once you learn it’s you?” “Is it… Haru?” 

I was beginning to actually have to put effort into not tilting my head towards his hand, which was still holding my chin swiftly. My resolve to ask became firm at last, thought the words that left my mouth weren’t exactly the ones I had planned. 

—Are you in love with Hyun? 

—What…?

—Answer me, please. 

I understood what my hesitation before that question meant earlier than Jumin. The heavy realization that he was scared of losing not only his lover but also his best friend was crushing, more so with the burden of my feelings for him. However, I guiltily retreated from his touch while unable to deny the suspicions I had been dreading to admit even to myself. 

She… hadn’t said yes. Still in astonishment, my hand dropped to my side as she fled from me. She hadn’t said no, but she hadn’t said yes either. Just how much longer would I be able to cling to that faint hope? 

The answer was no more than three seconds. I bitterly remembered how I could always count on Narumi’s honesty, for better or worse, and how I’d always thought that was the trace of her I liked the most. 

Who would have imagined a day would come in which I’d desperately want her to lie to me? 

A hundred possibilities went through my head as Jumin adjusted his vest before taking his jacket and approaching the door. I wanted to apologize, to tell him I’d never do anything that could hurt him, to ask him to stay, to say I was in love with him too… yet I watched, paralyzed and useless, as he went away. 

Thinking was no good at the moment. It was certainly a complication, since my strong suit was the ability to analyze objectively issues in order to solve them. Deprived as I was of my logics, all that was left was pure, untamed emotion. 

—Driver Kim, to the theatre. 

I didn’t let myself think of how affected my voice sounded. Instead, I listened to the classical music my chauffeur had selected and centered all senses on it, my eyes closed to allow my ears to reach their full potential. 

Again, I finished that scene feeling how I hadn’t reached my full potential. I didn’t know why or how to fix it, but the truth was that I felt myself very numb while acting. And, well, I actually knew why but there was no solution for that… because the solution was falling out of love with Narumi so that I could have her as a friend again. 

I sighed as the director patted my shoulder. They knew I was pushing myself harder than ever, so they were a little easier on me. 

—You’ve connected with the character, Zen. It’s there. Now it’s only a matter of time before it clicks. 

I nodded and drank from my bottle. Everyone was wrapping up for the day, so I had to leave as well. Sometimes I’d managed to convince a few co-actors to stay and rehearse a bit longer, but since it became a habit everyone had learnt to pick up their things and run. 

I sighed, listlessly preparing my stuff. I could understand people wanting to go home to their loved ones; hell, _I_ had a loved one to go to. However, wanting to see Narumi had eaten me up to the point of feeling guilty whenever I was with Jumin for having those feelings. Why did everything have to be so tricky? 

I said goodbye to some co-workers as I made my way to the door and felt my heart stopping to the sight of a very familiar black car on which my boyfriend’s figure was leaning. 

—You never come to pick m…— I started speaking, but was interrupted by his sudden, needy kiss. My cheeks were BURNING—. J-Jumin?! 

Talking wasn’t clearly one of his priorities. I had rarely seen him so lost in the moment, grasping my clothes with desperation even. He wasn’t going to stop, and honestly I didn’t want to either, so I dragged him back inside and to an empty room before resuming with the kisses. 

My accelerated heartbeats shifted from anxiety to excitement with Hyun’s first moan. From then on, all I needed to focus on was him. None of my thoughts would disturb that moment, not if I could stop them. 

—Damn it, Jumin, why do you have to wear so many clothes all the time? 

I allowed myself a deep chuckle while contemplating his personal battle against my three-piece suit. He was left with the task of taking off my vest as I undid my tie. It occurred to me that a proper place for it were Hyun’s wrists, as it had been some other times; nonetheless, with that temptation came a surge of ideas to cage him and keep him to myself, all of them tinted in orange. If I simply hid him in my penthouse, they would never get together…

—… Jumin? 

His dazed-out state was switched with the excitement I had seen in him just a few seconds earlier. He attacked my mouth again as I felt with a shiver our bare chests colliding. I could tell there was something worrying him, but whatever it was could wait until we were satisfied… right? 

I moaned again as his feverish kisses became bites on my neck. Damn it, damn chivalry, damn hot boyfriends who couldn’t help themselves only when there were problems at stake. I promised myself I would let him continue for another ten seconds before stopping him and asking what was happening, but I kinda lost myself in the heat on the moment and

well

things get in the way. Like your ridiculously hot boyfriend whispering in your ear how much he needs you as your pants drop to the floor. 

Damn it! 

I prayed for it to be only that Jumin was hornier than a teenager while my hands grabbed his ~~broad, muscularDAMN~~ shoulders and took him off of me. I wept inside, and so did the beast. 

—Jumin, is there something wrong? 

My “No” could fool me because I didn’t want to face reality yet, but it could have never fooled an actor. His hands held my face as we stared at each other; he kissed me chastely and separated from me before I could deepen it. 

—Love, let’s get dressed and talk. 

—I’d much rather get fully naked and continue. 

I couldn’t help a small smile as he muttered my name in embarrassment. He was still shy with my direct remarks, which added to his charms. However, the way he cared for me emotionally had contributed to my falling in love with him, so even then I couldn’t hate it. 

—Hey, don’t look so down— Hyun lifted my chin while I was busy with my shirt and smirked—. After we have that talk, we’re definitely picking up right where we left off. 

His kiss tasted bittersweet. According to my instincts, he was speaking a bit too soon. I frankly doubted that we’d do anything that night after he learned what I knew. That’s when I happened to think that, perhaps, I didn’t need to share certain bits of information. 

A new knot circled and suffocated the previous, tangled strings inside my head while I thought of keeping her feelings a secret. Nothing was definite yet, so I prolonged our kiss just in case. If neither Narumi nor my guilt managed to drift us apart, then nothing ever would. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just when things were starting to go well… anyways, I really do hope you're enjoying the fic so far ^^ Thank you for your support through kudos and comments, they truly make my day! And for those who are on summer vacation already, have great holidays! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As if things weren't messy already… here I bring you chapter 9! Peaceful times are over for a while, so just hold on to your seatbelts and enjoy the wild ride <3 Color guide reminder:  
> –Narumi’s part  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part

Jumin seemed normal on the way home, which was… odd. Once the car was moving, I asked him what was wrong and he dismissed it saying that he’d only wanted to have a romatic gesture with his boyfriend. Was it weird that I still felt tingly inside whenever he referred to me as his boyfriend? The way he said that word made him look really handsome, more than usual. 

God. 

My boyfriend _was_ really handsome, right? 

The second I realized I had the silliest smile plastered on my face I hit my own cheeks with my palms, trying to make it go away. 

—What a pity. I was enjoying seeing you flustered— Hyun jumped on his seat, then crossed his arms on his chest while looking the other way—. It’s been a while since the last time I caught you making that face. 

Zen’s frown wrinkled, thus making me regret that topic on our conversation. My suspicions on what had affected him so deeply as to not be that cheerful anymore materialized in his words. 

—Jumin, I miss her. 

He tensed up, his face stoic just like whenever the subject was on the table. That time, however, I knew I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. 

—I know I said I’d only be friends with her when I stopped feeling this way, but… I need her in my life— even though I had paused, he wouldn’t say anything. I sighed and grabbed his hand—. Nothing will happen, Jumin. 

—You’ve kissed her once already— ouch—. You’re still in love with her— ouch x2. I was especially pained when Jumin glanced at me coldly while withdrawing his hand from mine—. You can’t expect me to agree to this. 

—Nothing will happen!— he repeated passionately. I frowned when it became clear how irrevocably Hyun believed his own words, lacking the essential information I possessed—. Please, Jumin, you have to trust me. 

—I can’t— I admitted. His shock was as obvious as his pain—. Could you trust me to maintain a friendship with someone I’m in love with and whom I’ve previously kissed? 

He hesitated, his eyes racing from one side of the floor to the other while picturing said possibility. 

—I… Knowing how important that friendship would be to you, I’d agree with your decision. Besides— he interrupted me before I had the chance to talk—, if you don’t trust me, at least trust her. She would never… Jumin? 

He avoided my gaze right then. I paid closer attention, and then noticed how he had that icy-aura he always used whenever he wanted to hide his feelings. 

—Something’s up. What is it? 

—Nothing. 

His answer was too quick, too detached. I clicked my tongue and tried to force him to look at me, but all I got were dead eyes behind a fortress of isolation. 

—Jumin, tell me. Did you two fight? 

“Yes. No. I could tell him… I could lie. What would make him never want to near her again?” 

_—Hyun, she’s killed someone—_ “Too drastic.” 

_—Hyun, she’s marrying Haru—_ “He’d probably want to go talk her out of it or show his support. Or kiss her _again_.”

_—Hyun, she’s in love with me—_ “That… could actually work.” I stared at my boyfriend throughout that half a second in which my mind raced. My lips parted right when I decided I couldn’t say that to him. I re-evaluated telling him the truth, though I didn’t wish to test our relationship in case it went wrong. 

—I don’t want to talk about it— my mutter disuaded him from adding anything for the moment, thus making the rest of the ride silent. 

At a loss for words in an atmosphere that had become hazy with awkwardness and heavy with all of the unsaid things we both kept, it took me too long to realize that, once the car stopped, Hyun’s steps weren’t headed towards the elevator door. Instead, he was going further into the garage. 

—Hyun. 

—I just… I need to get some air. I’ll be back soon. 

The helmet muffled his voice calling for me again. Without looking back, I drove into the night with chaotic thoughts of him, Narumi and the whole situation. I attempted to leave it all aside while driving, but as soon as I neared my secret place I relaxed and all those crazed-out thoughts came back to haunt me. 

I damned myself for becoming paranoid and giving in to my darkest instincts: of course he was going to his spot in order to get some air. Disappointed in my behavior, I nearly missed the car parked nearby Hyun’s vehicle. I recognized the plate with anxiety as my worst suspicions became utterly clear: 

He was going to meet _her_.

Oh, shit. 

I neared the veranda and leant on in, never tired of that city nightscape. It had witnessed all of my worst moments, even those that weren’t that bad, and it always managed to clear my head even just a little. 

I tried not to make that much noise and sloooowly crawled from behind the brush in order to flee. I hadn’t counted on Zen coming there –dumb on my part, duh, it was his secret place after all–, and when I heard his motorcycle I had assumed he’d seen my car on the road. Since it didn’t seem to be the case because he hadn’t looked for me, I decided to make my way out silently and discreetl…

_Screeeech_

Crap! 

—Narumi? 

The last thing I had expected to see when I heard that branch breaking was Narumi all laid down on the floor with a guilty expression. I would laugh about how ridiculous the situation was later, but right then all I could do was approach her and help her up. Once she was standing on her feet, however, I realized I couldn’t stop myself any longer and pulled her towards me. 

In the time it took me to get out of the car and go up the road to them, he had already enveloped her in his arms. God, I had missed her. My fists tightened as she embraced him back; I lost the remainings of my temper with her blissful expression. God, I had missed him. 

—Hyun. 

I froze. Had that voice come from inside my head or…? Okay, judging by how Narumi jumped three feet from me as she, too, heard him had me turning around to face my boyfriend. 

—Jumin?!— he seemed furious, a feeling I shared too—. Did you follow me? 

CRAP. 

Oh my God. Wait. Fuck. OH MY GOD. 

I saw it in Jumin’s face. It totally seemed like Zen and I had decided to meet in secret. 

—Yes, I did. And you’ve done nothing but prove that I can’t trust you. 

—What the hell are you…?

—Jumin, this is not…

—Are you having an affair with her? 

Zen was so shocked and devastated that he became unable to respond. Frankly, even with how bad things looked and after learning what he had about me, it still hurt to see that Jumin believed us capable of betraying him like that. 

—Jumin, nothing’s going on between us. I didn’t even know he’d be coming here, it was a coincidence. 

—That hug didn’t seem like a coincidence. Your car was there, too. He must have seen it before arriving— I coldly stated the facts while ignoring the feeling of being stabbed by each of them—. Hyun, if you’re going to cheat on me, the least you could do is have some decency once you get caught. 

I pressed my lips so hard that I thought I’d break them. The fury translated into a shaking that took ahold of my body as my eyes became watery. 

—I wasn’t cheating, you jerk, but now I wish I had been! I came clean to you! I put distance between me and my best friend to stop those feelings so you’d be able to trust me! I’ve been through HELL this past few weeks to give _you_ peace of mind! And you! Still! Don’t! Trust! ME! 

Jumin and I were both astonished. Even though I knew it, his words were so undoubtably true that the businessman was torn, both wanting to believe them and needing to prevent any possible heart-breaks. I was expecting him to react next when Zen turned around and faced me. 

—Narumi, I’m done with this. I need your friendship in my life. I know I’ve been the shittiest friend with all that’s happened lately, but I want to make up for it because I really care about you. I’ll find a way to deal with my feelings, I swear, so… please? Can you forgive me? 

—Hyun…

—Shut up! 

I startled to his loud voice. His eyes softened again when he looked at me, and I felt myself melting with all the emotions I had tried to bury through those past weeks. That’s why knowing what I had to answer was harder than anything I’d ever done up to that point. 

—Zen, I can forgive you but I can’t be friends with you again. 

I expected a wave of relief alongside Narumi’s words, but seeing both her and him so devastated made me wonder if that was the best choice. Once I became rational, though, I realized it was the _only_ choice. 

—Is it… is it because of Jumin? I’ll deal with him, I promise!— she shook his head and bit her lip. I had to restrain myself to not grab her hand, but still I kept asking—. Is it because of my feelings? Because it hurts more when I’m apart from you than when we’re together, I swear! 

—Zen, it’s neither. We just… can’t. 

She shot me a guilty glance and I knew right away her reasons to refuse his offer. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, uneasy about where the conversation was headed. 

—… is it because I’ve hurt you too much?— Narumi opened her mouth immediately, as if trying to deny it; she was too good to acknowledge something like that, so I said it for her—. Hey, if it is, I get it. I’ve been a jerk with you and the whole Haru thing, and then I abandoned you. 

—Zen, it’s not like that!— I felt both of their gazes on me, as well as a nasty feeling threatening to bring all of the food I’d had that day right up my throat. I couldn’t let him believe he was a monster—. Please, I know it’s selfish but please, don’t ask me why. 

He was still going to ask me why, right? 

I needed to know. 

He was going to ask her why…

—Why? 

… and she was going to tell him. 

—Narumi, DON’T! 

—Because I’m in love with you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell… :D  
> I think I've said enough, so I'll be looking forward to your comments. How do you think things will develop from this point onwards? I'm curious! Also and as always, thank you for your support and kudos <3 See you in about two weeks!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Color guide reminder <3  
> –Narumi’s part  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part

“By admitting my feelings for him, Zen will see that it’s impossible for us to be friends right now and he will agree to set some distance between us,” I told myself. However, I couldn’t say I was surprised to spot a spark of emotion lighting his crimson irises before that information. 

—You… are in l…— upon assimilating the news a bit, he blushed and looked elsewhere—. How did you…? When did you know? 

—This evening— she confessed equally flustered—. I had been trying to deny it to myself, but when Jumin asked me I couldn’t lie to him. 

I had begun nearing them when Narumi said that. I anticipated a strong reaction from Hyun, and he did not disappoint. 

—You knew? And you didn’t tell me? 

—Hyun, calm down. 

—That’s why you were acting so weird earlier, wasn’t it?— I cringed as Zen stepped away from the hand Jumin planned to place on his shoulder—. You wanted to keep it a secret. 

—Of course I didn’t want you to find out. Not until I could be sure that you wouldn’t overreact. 

I had to intervene then, since Zen looked both desolated and murderous. My hands grabbed his arm, one of them rubbing it to soothe him. 

—Zen, I was the one who chose not to tell you in the first place. Jumin only knew because he asked, and it’s understandable that he didn’t share that information with you knowing how you felt towards me. 

—How I _feel_ — I clarified, knowing better than to just let her confession go unnoticed. 

—All the more reason why he didn’t want to tell you! This information could only hurt all of us and make the situation even worse, so it was better if you ignored it. 

—And what do you want to do with this information now that it’s out?— Jumin asked then, his face showcasing the cold and arrogant side I hated about him. However, his question forced me to give it a more serious thought. 

—I… don’t know. 

—Do you want to choose? Is that how this works?— Jumin’s smugness couldn’t fool me. He was terrified of losing Zen, and I of losing him if they broke up because of this. 

—There’s no choice to be made. I won’t interfere in your relationship. I only told you so that you wouldn’t blame yourself. 

The glance my boyfriend directed her then was undoubtly pained. It was agony, witnessing our relationship crumble while lacking the ability to fix it. What else was left to say that would convince him not to leave me, anyway? Every word that came out of me seemed to speed up the growing breach between us. 

—Hyun, please, let’s go home. 

I was too mad to realize the pleading in his eyes. All I could see was a controlling, obsessive man who’d always gotten what he’d wanted by all means necessary. He’d wanted to keep me on his side by hiding the truth from me, how could I ever believe any word he said from then on? 

—Wait…— I remembered a story that looked frighteningly similar to the one we were involved in, which helped me get a new perspective on the matter—. This is just like that tale with a baby and two mothers who were thinking of cutting it in halves! 

“The fuck?” I unavoidably wondered if my friend had gone nuts with the evening’s events. 

—What do you mean, Zen? 

—I believe he’s referring to the Judgment of Solomon. According to it, Solomon finished an argument between two women claiming to be the mother of a child by suggesting to cut him in half and have both women receive one part each. The true mother was then revealed, for she opposed the idea and preferred to hand the child over than to have him die. However, this does not apply to our current situation. 

—Doesn’t it? You’re being selfish while Narumi’s looking out for you and me. She wants us to be happy at the cost of herself— his ruthless and even aggressive tone matched the anger and disappointment boiling on his face. All those negative feelings softened again when Narumi lightly touched his arm in a comforting manner. I tried not to flinch and failed—. There does not need to be a choice. 

—That’s because there’s no choice. Zen, you and Jumin bel–

I startled when he turned towards me and held my hands, a strange fire blazing in his red irises. I knew him well enough to know that he’d had an idea, and my concern over imagining what was going through his mind was justified. 

—Stop it. Just for once, stop thinking about him or me. Put yourself first— his voice was enticing, the mix of it alongside his eyes hypnoticing—. If you had the chance to be with me, wouldn’t you want to take it? 

She looked to the floor, hesitant, and then nailed her guilty eyes on me. I knew then that, no matter how much time passed from that moment, I’d never be able to forget that glance. 

—I could never be with you if it hurts Jumin. 

That was the first time I could think clearly, without any jealousy tainting my processes. The key to solve that equation became so painfully obvious that I had to dettach myself from my feelings to ensure the words would leave my mouth. 

Hyun had already chosen. And it wasn’t me. 

—I seem to be the obstacle between you and your happiness; if you won’t be brave enough to remove me, I’ll remove myself. 

—Wait… Jumin, are you serious? 

—Blatantly— adjusting my cufflinks helped me forget about the knot on my throat as I faced him with sharp righteousness—. I’ll have a team send all of your belongings back to your place tomorrow evening. No contact is welcome from neither of you. Goodbye. 

Was Zen’s heart breaking just like mine? I honestly doubted it could get any more painful than this, so it was no wonder how I was terribly worried about him. He was shacking lightly, his jaw clenched as Jumin walked away. 

—That’s right! LEAVE! If you don’t want to find a solution so that all of us are okay, then I’m happier without you! 

—Zen, please…— Narumi’s voice was trembling, her affected whispering contrasting with my yells. I continued being pissed, especially since Jumin hadn’t looked back at all. Not even once. 

—We’re better without him. 

Rather than convincing me, I guessed he was saying that to force himself to believe so. Jumin’s car was long gone by the time he crumbled in my arms. 

The following days passed by like a blurry nightmare. I found myself hazily walking from home to work and from work to Zen’s place, seen that he needed help getting installed again. I gave up trying to fill with chit-chat our evenings of cleaning and tidying his apartment, for he was so focused on his anger towards Jumin that he couldn’t do more than complain about him while furiously unpacking. 

However, everyone has a bullshit limit. Even us Hufflepuffs. 

I had been suffering a very annoying headache that day; deadlines approaching at work, Mary stuck in her re-writing process, Zen unable to change the subject and the rest of my friends either gone or too busy to listen to me vent. I was also past the point of crying and self-pitying, so by the time Zen found another one of Jumin’s gifts from the past and tried to throw it in the trash, I decided that’s where I’d be putting my patience. 

—Okay, I’ve had it. Come with me. 

I winced, distracted from my drama by her suddenly dark and pissed off voice. I couldn’t remember a time in which Narumi had sounded like th–

—To my car _now_.

Okay, she was definitely scary. To the point I didn’t dare to ask her where we were going, even though I had a right to know. Whenever I gathered the courage to question her, she seemed to smell it and threw me a terrifying glare that had me secretly thankful to her for not killing me. 

Parking and entering the building was easy. Zen was waiting in the car, his face reflecting the discontentment over the situation although he wouldn’t dare to express his feelings on the matter on sheer fear that I’d end his life. Good. 

Jaehee seemed surprised to see me, more so when I barged into Jumin’s office without even knocking first. 

In the time it took me to lift my eyes, an enraged Narumi was circling the desk on a threatening advance towards me. She looked so different from her usual self that it had been hard for me to recognize her, although soon enough everything settled into a bitter anger. She had no right to be there. 

—No talking. Jumin Han, you’re coming with me. 

—I highly doubt so. Don’t force me to call security— he crossed his arms over his chest, completely unyielding. 

I must confess I became taken aback as she began pushing my wheeled chair around the desk and towards the exit. I stood up and got myself out of her way before she could throw me off balance. 

—What do you think you’re doing? Have you gone mad? 

—Probably. Your shitty attitude and Zen’s constant whining are to blame— I was so worked up that it even showed in my voice—. I’m putting an end to this, so either you come or I swear to God you’re losing me and Zen forever. 

Under normal circumstances, Jumin wouldn’t have even flinched. If he hesitated that time, it was because he’d never seen me like that. I wasn’t mad, I was boiling in my own wrath and exhaustion. I was determined to drag him downstairs by brute force if I had to, and he could read it so clearly in my expression that he knew putting up a fight wouldn’t make much of a difference. Or that it would, resulting in him effectively losing us both for good. 

As wounded and miserable as he was, _that_ he couldn’t let happen. 

Narumi came out of the building followed by… *GASPS* JUMIN?!?! 

I looked upfront as they entered the car, Jumin behind as Narumi took the driver seat. I really, _really_ wanted to ask what was going on as well as how she’d managed to get Jumin to come with us. I spied on her to see if she had a gun hidden somewhere, then heard a scoff from behind. As expected, my ex-boyfriend had the face of a ~~very attractive~~ man who’d just smelled horse poop. 

Hyun seemed ready to start a fight with me, and after seeing how he shamelessly ogled Narumi, I was more than willing to snark a few remarks at him. However, our driver seemed to notice the storm brewing and acted before either of us had the chance. 

—If neither of you has anything nice to say, then shut up unless you want to lose your tongues. 

The power of having them all quiet and well-behaved would be hard to give up once my rage was gone. That’s why I decided I’d make the most of it for as long as I had it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd apologize for the cliffhanger but I'm actually looking forward to your theories on where Narumi's planning to take her ~~hostages~~ friends :3 As always, thank you so much for reading and for your kudos and comments! Hope you enjoyed today's chapter as well!  <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been eighty-four years! Hot damn, hello, everyone!
> 
> I'll skip the notes for the end and let you read now, sorry for the long wait and thank you for your support! As always, the color code:
> 
> –Narumi’s part  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part

Hyun seemed to find the situation as odd as I did. After a quick trip to Ikea, the three of us had ended up on Hyun’s rooftop with our acquisitions. Narumi had ordered each of us to choose the ugliest set of dishes we could find, then proceeded to follow apply those instructions on herself. 

—Why have we bought these if we think they’re awful? —I asked, still scared to face Narumi’s angry eyes. 

—To break them. 

She took one horrifyingly greenish plate with a poorly drawn Christmas tree from her pile to throw it away from us, at the other end of the rooftop. I tensed up at first, but as she took another and smashed it again I kinda wanted to do it too. 

I could see how Hyun’s thought process resembled mine. The plates of my choosing weren’t so hideous as to provoke in me the desire to break them apart, though I knew for a fact something like that could even become therapeutical. 

Jumin stood a bit further from us before throwing his first plate at the spot I’d been aiming at. I turned around to see if Zen needed a push right when he was about to join us. 

As expected, plate smashing served us to relief some of the tension and anger we had accumulated. There was even a moment in which we looked at each other, high on adrenaline, and broke into laughter. First came my giggles, then Zen’s potent cackles and suddenly Jumin’s clear laughter joined our improvised choir. 

However, the lingering problems couldn’t be solved simply by destroying porcelain and chuckling. I read the atmosphere and, when I thought it appropriate, cleared my throat to have their attention. 

—I’m leaving now so you two can work things out. If you need anything, give me a call. 

Oh, I understood now. 

—Don’t go. I mean, stay at my place, please. I want to talk to you too. 

She hesitated, but nodded to my request and left without further ado. 

—What do you want to talk to her about? —I asked bluntly after the heavy pause her absence had left. 

Hyun’s look wasn’t one of guilt, but determination. 

—After we figure things out, I want to ask her on a date. 

—Seems to me like you’ve figured everything on your own then. 

—No, I haven’t —I couldn’t near him because I wouldn’t be able to not kiss him—. I want to be with you too, Jumin, but… I can’t trust that you’ll stay. 

—And, on the other hand, you’re sure that Narumi won’t go. 

—Well, I abandoned her for my own sake and when I went back to her she stood beside me. All you did was sabotage my friendship with her and did not care about how we both were suffering because you were jealous. 

—May I assume that, in the event that it had been me in love with someone else, you would have supported my being with both you and them at the same time? 

Hyun’s eyes darted to the floor, uncertain. 

—I… well, yeah, maybe at first I would’ve reacted badly. But —that time, he held my gaze filled with conviction—, if I’d seen you destroyed after cutting all ties with that person for me, at the very least I would’ve felt guilty. And I know I would’ve tried to understand if that made you happy. 

The maturity and honesty of his response surprised me. I processed that new perspective and knew instantly that it would take me longer than those few minutes to reach a conclusion. 

—You’ve made a good point. I’d like to take some time to think about it and discuss it properly afterwards, if you agree. 

—Sure —I nodded, shocked with the effect my words had had on him. 

There was an awkward moment before he excused himself. I accompanied him downstairs and to the door, where we simply said goodbye. 

If I’d been one of those nail-bitting addicts, my fingernails would have never survived that wait. 

I had locked myself in the bathroom to not interrupt anything if Jumin and Zen walked back into the apartment, which actually occurred. Thinking I had heard the front door opening and closing, I poked my head out of the bathroom door just a bit and found Zen’s stare aimed at me from the other side of the corridor. He looked puzzled, so I just went out and approached him guardedly. 

—Is everything okay? 

—Uh… he needs time to think. 

Narumi nodded while I suddenly felt myself at a loss for words. It had been so long since I last asked someone out that I could feel a tingle on the tip of my fingers. 

—I’ve told him I want him back —she nodded with an encouraging smile, although her eyes were hiding her sorrow—. I’ve also told him I would… ask you out. 

—You what now? —that last word came out so high-pitched that dogs all over the neighbourhood started barking at the same time. 

—Narumi, will you come on a date with me? —my ears hadn’t deceived me. His hands were wrapped on mine, his crimson irises silently begging for my answer to be yes. 

Jumin apparently knew. Was this what he was supposed to think through? Whether or not he could stand Zen being with me while they were together? 

My thoughts were revolving around all the reasons why I knew it wasn’t a good idea. That’s why, when my mouth said “Yes”, Zen wasn’t the only one surprised in the room. 

She was blushing while staring at her feet and I was the luckiest man alive. I worked to repress all my feelings and act cool so that she wouldn’t be more uncomfortable. 

—So, I’ll pick you up tomorrow after practice, okay? 

—I could pick you up there instead —I suggested, attempting to regain some kind of control over the situation. Making the whole thing sound casual was definitely helping—. We could walk to that salad place nearby you mentioned. 

—Okay, that sounds great! 

Aaaaaaaand cue awkward silence. Gosh, why were we so dorky? With an embarrassed grin, Narumi made her way to the door and turned around just to say goodbye with her hand. Time stood still for a moment…

…and then I was jumping on my couch, howling with all the emotions I’d been keeping in so far. 

Jumin and I had talked. It could work out between us. And Narumi was going on a date with me! 

I was freaking out. 

Ever since I had agreed to go on a date with Zen, my mind had been spinning around over how wrong it was. I didn’t want Jumin to hate me. However… I also knew I would never forgive myself if I didn’t take that chance, and neither would Zen. I had once made the choice of not telling him my feelings so that he could stay with Jumin in a blissful ignorance, but now that he had the whole picture, it wouldn’t be fair of me to keep choosing what was “right”. 

Hell, if this was a mistake, I was ready to make it. 

Under normal circumstances, I would’ve talked to Haru so that he’d encourage me through the process from choosing an outfit to actually going to the date. Since I had distanced myself from him, I turned to the always reliable group of friends that always had my back. 

Gyuri, one of my childhood friends, never really knew what was going on but supported me anyways. Min-ji, on the other hand, was the one I could count on for absolutely anything since the beginning, when we met on a business trip. Their actions combined had me calmer and focused on small decisions rather than on the big picture. 

Step by step, I picked an outfit and got myself ready with some music on, so I could let off some steam by singing along. In the end, I opted for a comfortable look because I was too nervous to dress up excessively. I wasn’t going out with just anyone, after all my date was Zen…

P A N I C

Gyuri took control of the situation as soon as I started freaking out: with a few voice-notes of her monotonous talking, she managed to relax me again. Because it was Zen, it would probably go well. In case it didn’t, we could still be friends. When it was cool enough, Min-ji intervened to hype me just the right amount by pointing out how I was going out with my crush and a great guy. The silly smiling came with that realization: I was truly looking forward to our date. 

Of course, all of those meticulous calculations went to waste as soon as I parked outside the theater. 

I spotted her car and neared it right away. There was no time to assimilate the situation, since she got out hurriedly and hit her head on the doorframe. I ran to her when I saw her stumbling, her eyes tearful because of the hit. 

—Are you alright? —Zen asked with a voice so worried that it seemed I had just had a car accident. My clumsiness had hurt, sure, but not as much as my injured dignity when he approached me and patted my head carefully—. God, should I take you to the hospital? I’m taking you to the hospital. 

—I’m fine, it was nothing. 

—Does it hurt?! 

—Just my dignity. 

—Is that a vital organ?!?! —she chuckled, but I was still worried. The droplets overflowed her lower lids at last, making me wish I had a handkerchief with me—. You know… if you’re not feeling well, we could reschedule. 

Oh, so that was it. Zen regretted asking me out and was trying to get out of it. “Wait, no, Narumi, don’t go there,” I scolded myself. Believing that he didn’t care about me was easier than facing all the hardships our relationship would bring along and ultimately putting everything we were at risk, but I had already decided to go down that road. I couldn’t make it harder for myself. 

Narumi was so quiet that it made me shiver. Was she really thinking about leaving our date for another day? I had expected her to be nervous, but what if she had felt too pressured by me to come? Or worse, what if her head hurt so bad that she was in too much pain to talk? 

—There could be internal bleeding —I muttered, examining her skull as delicately as I could. I wondered then with a sudden urgency if dignity was, indeed, a vital organ as well. 

—Zen, no, I’m okay! I promise —she grasped my hands with hers and looked at me in the eye with a frown, her smile failing to conceal a bit of a pout. 

My heart stopped beating. Up until then, I hadn’t noticed how close we were. We could… kiss. And we were going to at some point throughout the evening, since that’s what dating meant. 

Okay, if Zen freaked out I was to follow. He was turning so red that people even stopped to look at him with weird faces –although that could also be due to how beautiful he was, to be fair–, so I separated myself from him and tried to turn things around. 

—We should probably get going, right? 

—Sure. 

His answer was hesitant and he still seemed thoughtful. Focusing on how we were only there to have a good time was useless: the pressure was on and the anticipation wasn’t doing either of us any favors. 

—Hey, what if we make a deal? —Narumi took my hand, her eyes nailed on mine as she spoke—. To take the pressure off of our date, we won’t kiss today. 

To say that I was disappointed was an understatement, but I agreed so that she’d feel relieved. That decision was probably the reason why we had that much fun together that day, first with a great lunch that she didn’t let me pay entirely and then with a romantic walk through the city. Despite how we’d respected our promise not to kiss, I found my heart skipping beats everytime we held hands casually and I caught her blushing as much as I was. 

Despite our agreement, I discovered myself thrilled with anticipation as we approached my doorstep. We both had to work early the following day, so Zen offered to walk me home and stood beside me in front of it as I stuttered. 

—Thank you so much for today —I finally said, enjoying his sincere smile to my words. 

—I didn’t expect you to even say yes, so thank _you_ for giving me a chance. 

I really wanted to ask her out again. Hell, I really wanted to kiss her goodbye, but I had to honor my promise. The idea that I could be pressuring her was present too, so in that moment I preferred to let her take the lead. Needless to say, I was scared shitless that she wouldn’t want to repeat. 

—I’d… love to do this again some other time —I admitted after an intense battle against my shyness. His widened eyes and overall ecstatic expression were worth the trouble—. Are you free on Friday? 

Nope, I wasn’t. 

—Yes! Friday’s good. 

“That smile’s worth cancelling my pla…” my thoughts were abruptly interrupted by her lips, which deposited a warm kiss on my cheek. She then hugged me, but by the time I could respond to it Narumi had already turned around and was fighting to get her door open. 

—See you on Friday! 

The door slammed harder than I intended it to, but neither of us were fully aware of it: I could only focus on my heart beating rapidly while I was lost in the tingling sensation still remaining on my cheek. Only the morning after, as I woke up, did the regret kick in for not topping our date off with a kiss on the lips. 

Luckily, Friday would be my chance to fix that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all the Zen lovers, hi! I'm excited to finally focus on our sweet boy <3 And, in general, thank you for reading. I truly hope you enjoyed it; there's surely more to come!
> 
> I'd like to address how writing is often hard. It requires time and effort that usually don't get acknowledged from the outside and can feel like a waste from the inside. Sticking to a story is difficult, bringing it to life so that no one will read it discouraging. I had to remember the fun parts of writing so that my motivation to do it won't fall on the people who read and support me, and during this time I took to myself I think I managed pretty well!
> 
> That said, I'd love to thank you all for your support. Perhaps you gave kudos to this story because it was 'kay and you didn't mind much, but for me it's a whole being appreciating the time and effort I put in this. And damn, whenever any of you comments to say you _like_ what I do, or you enjoyed a chapter, or the whole story… you cannot know how incredibly rewarding and heart-warming that feels. I'm now here doing what I love because I love it, my motivation's higher than ever, but those comments surely helped a lot. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you  <3
> 
> Regarding the uploads of this fic, I don't think I'll set a date for now. What I know for sure is that I will keep uploading chapters, I've been writing a lot this month and there's so much you guys haven't seen yet, omg. However, if you have any suggestions about the uploading schedule, I'm more than happy to hear them! This is all for today, so thank you very much to those who stuck up until here to read and see you pretty soon with another chapter!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! These are rather busy times, so I hope everything's going great for you <3 Here's my attempt at making your day a bit better, enjoy the reading!  
> As always:  
> –Narumi’s part  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part  
> –Haru’s part

One of my musicals was playing on the TV, my performance there was completely outstanding and the company in which I was watching it couldn’t be better. Why the hell was I so incredibly tense, then? 

Because it was Friday. 

The company was Narumi. 

Her body was curled up besides mine. 

It was a strange feeling, not being able to focus on my gorgeous face on the screen because something prettier was getting all my attention without even trying. 

I was trying to get his attention, I swear, but the more I trimmed the distance between us, the less comfortable he looked. The knot in my stomach was a reminder of how awkward his arrival to my place had been; we’d stood there, waiting for the other to make the first move, and as I jumped in to hug him I realized seconds after that he’d been nearing me to kiss me. It totally seemed like I had avoided him. 

The fact that I now had to be more forward to compensate was specially hard considering how beautiful Zen looked that evening: he’d braided his rat tail and was wearing a white shirt with silver buttons and dark gray jeans. He looked like a modern prince, kind of, one whose scarlet eyes were lost in the exact replica of himself in the musical. 

The me from the screen was the only one able to redirect my disperse attention. I remembered the days in which the recordings of that musical took place: despite my hopelessly devoted acting, at the moment I had been completely unaware of how it would serve in the future for my irises to not search Narumi’s. 

One thing was sure by then: I wouldn’t be able to restrain the beast any longer, yet still she didn’t want us to kiss. 

—Are you uncomfortable? —she asked then. I stiffly shook my head, refusing to look at her—. Really, if you are I can just move away. 

—It’s okay —his answer had a soothing quality, but the tenseness from his shoulders wouldn’t fade. Just what I feared. 

—Are you mad at me? 

He was clearly shocked as our eyes met dramatically. The tip of his ears was turning pink as he spoke. 

—How could I ever be? 

Not even someone as oblivious as me could have ever missed the glance he threw at my lips before focusing again on my eyes. If his unmistakable urge to kiss me was as intense as mine, we were doomed. 

My eyelids closed for a second when she touched my cheek, delicately at first and then holding my face between her hands decidedly. I parted the curls from her features and allowed my thumb to run smoothly over her lower lip. It was happening. 

Hmpf. It was odd. 

I left the phone aside, the rest of the new messages unread. The ones I cared about were Narumi’s, but she hadn’t been in touch with me for over a month. She was aware of how I used to reply little to nothing, yet she’d always kept me updated on her life because she knew I never failed to read what she sent me. 

I kept in mind a few of the possibilities that could’ve happened while dialing her phone. A quick call would definitely clear my doubts. 

I frowned after a while. It was taking her longer than usual to answer it, could it be that something had happened to her? Just when the hints of worry began appearing, though, her voice worded my name from the other end of the line. Roughly breathing, she asked if I was okay. 

—Better now that I’m hearing you. How come you’ve been MIA for so long? —I responded, the words coated with that honeyed and flirty tone I often saved for her. 

—I’m kinda busy right now —her answer caught me off-guard, although she didn’t seem mad. If anything, she seemed in a hurry—. I’ll call you back tomorrow. 

Narumi didn’t wait for my reply. Without hesitation, she hung up and left me wondering what could she be up to. 

“Guess I’ll have to go see for myself,” I grinned. 

“Guess I’ll have to tell him now,” I sighed to myself as I rested the phone on the table, its sound already off so that no more interruptions like that would happen. 

—I’m sorry for that… Zen? 

I didn’t expect his moody expression, but there it was as I turned around. His arms were crossed before his chest in a defensive pose. 

I didn’t want to behave like that, really, but that guy always appeared with the worst timing and messed everything up. Narumi stuttered from the corner of my eyes. 

—Is he here? 

—No. I mean, not that I know of —his annoyed question took me aback. Had Haru called to tell me that he was visiting? 

There was a weird vibration in the atmosphere. We had been so close to kissing when Haru’s call interrupted us, but I sensed there was more to Zen’s exasperation than our delayed kiss. 

—I don’t want you to be with him —I blurted out, fully aware of how unfair that was. Still, jealousy and that jerk always got the best of me. 

His words stung bitterly. I understood where he was coming from, since he’d always believed Haru wasn’t good for me and all he wanted was to protect me. Despite that, I couldn’t yield to what he wanted, no matter how noble his intentions were. 

—You’re trying to be with me and Jumin at the same time —my words had a slow pace in hopes that he’d be calmer after hearing I wasn’t furious—. If you want that kind of freedom, the least you could do is respect that I have it too. 

The lump on my throat was tightening so fast that I feared I’d never be able to speak again. She was right, which is why it hurt so bad. I couldn’t forbid her from dating that jerk. In fact, my choice was similar to the one Jumin had: take it or leave it as it is, accepting a relationship I’m not comfortable with. 

He wasn’t saying anything, and I couldn’t guess if it was his thinking it through or his being stubbornly angry. At the very least, it was odd. 

—Wait… hadn’t you considered it before? —I realized, shocked. He shook his head—. Well, then I guess… I guess you’ve got a lot to think through. 

—No —he stated firmly as he turned to face me. His eyes were suddenly glistening with passion. Any search of regret was fruitless—. I know what I want, and I’ll stand by it. And I also know it wouldn’t be fair of me to stop you from dating anyone else since you’re letting me do just that. 

Narumi nodded, convinced by my words, and her expression softened so much that she looked like an angel. 

—To make this easier, we could also add some conditions. 

“You can only be with the jerk the 32nd of each month,” I thought to myself as a condition I’d love to add, but sadly I suspected it wouldn’t work that way. I asked her what she meant then to clarify. 

—Well. Would you rather know if I’m dating someone else or not? You don’t have to answer now if you don’t know —I added, worried that smoke would come out of his ears if he thought about it for too long. 

—No, it’s okay. I’d rather know —he admitted in the end—. If you didn’t tell me, I would be constantly thinking that you’re with a lot of other guys and that would drive me mad. 

I nodded, unsure of how things would work out. Zen was the overprotective and jealous type, would he really be okay with a relationship like this? However, as we spoke about the rest of the conditions, the tension in his back seemed to fade a bit –just like mine. 

We were literally talking about ways to make our relationship work without any of us feeling uncomfortable. In fact, if we ever had a problem, we promised each other we would talk about it and revisit some of the conditions if necessary. The feeling that everything would be alright kicked in enough for me to relax on the couch. 

—Now, just one last thing. About Haru…

Zen flinched to my mentioning his name. As good of an actor as he was, he couldn’t fool me with that expression of having bitten a lemon. 

—That’s what I wanted to talk about. I know it’s hard, but could you not hate him? You don’t have to like him either, but please, don’t _hate_ him. He means a lot to me. 

—Sure, he does —his stinging remark wasn’t new in that area, but it still hurt. 

—What’s the matter with you? Why do you resent him so deeply? 

—Because he means so much to you! —I exploded, unable to forget all the times she’d told me about her “best friend” Haru, how he’d done a lot for her since they were kids and how nothing, not even distance and the passing by of the years, could tear them apart—. It seems like he’s the one for you and I’m just second best. 

I had been so silly. All that drama came from a place of profound insecurities, one I knew Zen had. He looked at me surprised when I took his hand with both of mine and squeezed it caringly. 

—I didn’t know that’s how you felt. I’m sorry —his eyes roamed downwards until they got nailed onto our intertwined hands, the hints of a blush menacing to spread—. It’s unfair for everyone that you compare our relationship with the one I have with Haru, just like it would be unfair of me to compare our relationship with the one you and Jumin have. All we can count on is each other’s word on how we want to be together, and I wouldn’t give you up for Haru just like you didn’t give me up for Jumin. Can you trust me on that? 

I nodded, daring to finally look at her. She had the most beautiful grin lighting her features; it was soft, caring and understanding. When Narumi smiled like that, it was hard to believe I’d fooled myself for so long thinking that I wasn’t in love with her. 

—Also —she spoke again, all my attention devoted to the way her lips moved—, I want you to talk to me whenever you’re feeling insecure. I’ll do so too, and we can work through our problems together. Is that okay? 

—Mm-hmm…

Even though sometimes he got distracted while listening to me, I knew by his blush that it hadn’t been quite so at that moment. Zen had heard what I’d said, but he had also been fixed on my lips so intensely that I had almost forgotten how to talk. Since he seemed reluctant to take the first step because of all the mishaps that had occurred when he had tried the previous times, I sat on my legs to gain some more height and got his locks away from the sides of his face with a tentative caress. Unsure of where else to touch her, I seized her shoulders and tilted my chin the way she was guiding it with her fingers, not wanting to close my eyes until it happened for real. 

And it happened. 

Our teeth clashed. 

—Oh, I’m sorry, I’m so clumsy…!

—Shh…

I’d later wonder how I managed to regain control of the situation. My thumb caressed her cheek as Narumi glanced at me with embarrassment. Zen shook my mortification off with a half grin, lips open and ready to take mine in. I let him kiss me that time and eventually relaxed to that familiar yet shocking sensation. It wasn’t technically our first kiss, but it definitely was better than its predecessor. 

Our relationship, clogged until that point, suddenly became fluid and easy. I could tell how much pressure we had been under with thinking about how the romantic stuff would go between us, especially taking into account how much there was at stake. I had been so nervous about everything possibly going wrong that I forgot to prepare for things going right and it all caught my breath away. 

Finally, we poured all the honesty we’d been keeping to ourselves in that stream of kisses that never seemed to finish. And oh, I was ready for a lifetime of tasting her lips if that was my awaiting fate. Perhaps that’s why I was so confused when Narumi pulled away just enough for her mouth to be out of reach. The whine got caught in my throat with the way she was observing me. 

It felt like the first time I was truly seeing him. I’d often been amazed by his beauty, but never like that. The experience of sharing that unique moment with him after all we’d been through was more overwhelming now that I was allowing myself to enjoy and appreciate it fully. I had never witnessed how astonishing Zen was because I had been too busy building barriers to protect my heart from him. And don’t get me wrong, he was beautiful on a physical level but I wasn’t referring to that: the way his personality, his desires and his passion flourished in his features was what actually made him into the wonderful creature I couldn’t stop looking at. 

—You’re beautiful. 

The way she said it, so in awe by the sudden realization that there was absolutely no room for shame, resonated in me so deeply that I felt my heart becoming a drum whose vibrations shook me to the core. My urge to kiss her again surpassed everything else as I let us both slip from our sitting position. I’d definitely want to hear more of the flatters she had to say, but that’d have to wait for me to stop being starved of her touch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes first kisses aren't as comfortable and magical as people might expect, but I think these two ended up enjoying themselves either way ^^ Will this peace last long, though? What do you guys think?
> 
> Thanks for reading and for your kudos and comments! See you in the next chapter!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, darling readers! Without further ado, here's the color code as always:  
> –Narumi’s part  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part  
> –Haru’s part  
> Enjoy the read!

To be fair, all those years of simply talking had to be compensated with a good dose of well-deserved and stratospherically good making-out. That was in my mind as I kissed Zen goodbye for the fourth time that night. 

—I’m leaving for real now, are you sure you don’t want a longer kiss? —he asked with an alluring whisper, his silly smile the reflection of mine as I nodded and had him lean in—. Hmm… wasn’t that one kinda short? 

—Gprffff, Zeeeen, you have an early start tomorrow…

How was I supposed to behave when she glanced at me that way? Rosy cheeks, half-lidded eyes and the promise of another kiss hidden in her pursed smile. I revelled with pleasure in the way the reluctance shone in her voice. 

I was about to ask her for one more before I really, truly, actually left when she buried her face on my chest and embraced me warmly. My arms responded to that touch immediately, closing up around her as my head wished for that night to never end. 

It didn’t take more than five minutes for me to regret having Zen leave without another last kiss after the hug. True, my lips were sore –I probably would never need to wear a red lipstick ever again, judging by their current state–, but the rest of me was so thrilled and high on energy that I doubted I’d get more than two hours of sleep. 

Not in a million years would I have guessed that I wasn’t wrong, although not for the right reasons. I had fallen asleep happy and the exhaustion of the overall day didn’t take long to kick in, but a knocking on my door had me bewilderedly awake in the middle of the night. 

A thousand scenarios played in my head on what could’ve possibly happened to have someone on my doorstep at 4 am, and in none of them did Haru show up for no reason at all. 

—What…?

—Sorry I woke you, Narumi. Let’s go to sleep, we can talk in the morning. 

There was no signs of trouble in his grin, nor in the way he chastely pecked my lips before letting himself in with a small suitcase. My nocturnal zombie brain decided to let me think it was all a dream, which is why I jumped on the spot the following morning as I woke up crushed by Haru’s entire body weight. 

I was dead nervous while approaching Narumi’s doorstep. The director had let me out of the rehearsal earlier because Jumin had finally called to say he had an answer for me, although he wanted to have a chat in person with me and Narumi beforehand. It was bad enough that I was dying to know Jumin’s decision and he had let out no clues about it in his monotonous voice, but adding to that the certainty that I’d have her in my arms again so much sooner than I had anticipated wasn’t letting me breathe properly. 

The knocks on the door matched the deafening beatings of my infatuated heart… which came to a stop when the jerkest of them all greeted me from the other side. 

—Long time no see! Come in, I was just about to prepare Narumi some coffee. She’s still not a person yet. 

In my not-nearly-as-awake-as-I’d-like state, I was assimilating the fact that Haru was there for some reason when a man entered the room. I frowned to the sight of Zen. Wasn’t it Haru the one who’d stayed over? Or perhaps it had been Zen indeed and I had dreamed with Haru, and then I’d messed everything up in my head? No, I clearly remembered dreaming about a duck preparing a sandwich. That couldn’t be it. 

I couldn’t be mad at her when she looked so drowsy and cute with her ruffled morning hair and her heavy lids barely opening. As I sat down beside her, Narumi finally focused her gaze on my features and a foolish grin escaped her lips. 

—Good morning —my tender tone had a bit of an acrid shade. I couldn’t help being upset over the jerk’s presence, more so since she’d told me the previous night that he wasn’t in the city. I froze to the thought that she might have lied. 

—G’morning —I yawned, utterly oblivious to anything that might be going wrong. 

His body heat lured me closer, my limbs dragging the rest of myself towards Zen’s lap with a cat-like smile. I startled. Before her adorableness could melt my anger away, though, I cleared my throat. 

—Why is Haru here? 

My head jolted upwards: that’s when I spotted his expression, equal parts confused and upset. 

—I arrived last night to surprise her —my intervention cleared their perplexity a bit. Narumi reached out for her cup of coffee and I lent it to her while rubbing her hair fondly—. There’s a lot of catching up to do, right, kitty? 

Her eyes danced between me and her friend before Narumi focused on the least troubling element of the room. As she drank her sleepiness away, I deduced there was more to the situation than I’d foreseen. 

I felt bad in my stomach. I wanted to puke. 

It all added up. The jerk’s shirtlessness, Narumi’s ashamed eyes always fixed on their corners to avoid mine, our talk from last night…

They had slept together. 

I got up rushedly, unable to take it. Not like that. Not in front of me. Not on the night of our first official kiss. Her voice sounded faint under the drumming of my blood pumping through my veins and drowning every other sound. I was leaving and then a pair of strong arms retained me. I fought to free myself. 

—Zen, it’s not what you think! We haven’t slept together. 

—Haven’t we? 

—We have —I yielded and quickly corrected myself since Zen was panicking again—. What I meant is that we haven’t had sex! 

I had been about to add a cheeky “We could fix that anytime”, although a second read of the mood directed my conversation elsewhere. 

—That’s true —the two dorks relaxed more when I backed her words. I had a fairly good theory on what was going on there, but decided to let them tell me instead—. Although even if it weren’t, why would you care? 

—You haven’t told him? 

Zen’s question was directed towards Narumi and a bit outraged. We both stared at her until I had my suspicions confirmed.

—We… Zen and I have started… dating. 

—Really? —he was so outdated on everything that had been happening that a lot of questions bubbled inside his head. There was no way I could have ever guessed that he’d have to ask _that one_ in front of Zen—. But weren’t you in love with Jumin? What’s with him? 

In the pause that followed, I was puzzled as I tried to make sense of what Haru had said. He had an expression I had never seen on him, as if for the first time he had messed up without meaning to. With a sudden bad feeling, my eyes darted to a frozen Narumi. When waiting for her to deny it proved unsuccessful, my mouth opened. 

—… Jumin? Jumin _Han_?

—Jumin Kim —Haru improvised, an apology written all over his face. He recovered quickly as he released Zen from his grasp—. You don’t know him, he’s a colleag–

—Jumin Han. 

With my interruption, Haru had to accept his mistake and stopped trying to cover it. Zen wasn’t even registering what I was saying, so I breathed in with the trembling coffee in my hands. 

—I’m in love with Jumin too. I’m sorry. 

A million thoughts pierced their way through my head, each of their aftertastes leaving a wound in my heart. I barely registered how I was shooting each of the questions out loud, in dire need of answers. 

—Since when? 

—Almost since I met him. 

—Have you told him? 

—No. 

—Are you going to? 

—No! 

—Why? 

—Things are… complicated enough. 

I only noticed the pain in my tightened fists when Narumi’s fingers opened them slowly, her eyes cautiously weighing my expression. She rubbed my numb fingers before enveloping them caringly. 

—Are you truly in love with me? 

I nodded, trying not to take that one too personally. 

—I would never lie to you about something like that. I am in love with you —the words came out naturally although with hints of shyness, but it was crucial that I faced my insecurities in order for him to get over his own—, and I didn’t tell you about Jumin because it would only hurt everyone. 

—Listen, mate —the jerk neared me but I refused to take my eyes off Narumi’s. However, I did shake his hand off of my shoulder when he placed it there—, I’ve seen everything Narumi’s been through and all she’s ever done is support you and Jumin no matter how much it hurt her. I’m pretty sure she’s even helped you and him patch things up more than once, so don’t dare blaming her for something she can’t even control. 

I couldn’t stand the guy, yet he was right. Even when Narumi’s feelings for me had been revealed, she still put my relationship with Jumin above her own desires. Zen seemed calmer as he processed everything, so I shot Haru a grateful glance that he corresponded with a guilt-ridden smile. 

—I think I’m gonna head out for a bit, let you two have a talk. Narumi, call me if you need anything. 

I agreed faintly as I worriedly eyed Zen. After putting on some proper clothing, Haru had enough decorum to kiss my temple goodbye instead of the usual peck on the lips he would have given me. The door closed behind him, the last sound in the flat for a while until the actor spoke with a hesitant voice. 

—Jumin called. 

I had anticipated higher levels of anxiety for that lunch, so it came as a surprise when I found myself oddly calm. The dark threads gripping my throat tightly apparently hadn’t received their invitation to that special date. Not even as Narumi and Hyun arrived together did I feel any differently, although perhaps that was due to how they seemed to be keeping their distances off each other in deference to me. 

—Thank you both for coming. I had the chef prepare a degustation menu for us, I hope you don’t mind. 

—That sounds great —Narumi smile encouragingly. 

For some reason, I couldn’t hold her gaze and, instead, fixed it on Hyun. His stiff shoulders worked as a prelude of what was to come. 

—Damn it, Jumin, just tell us already. I can’t take this much waiting. 

—Fine, if you insist —after a sip of wine and a heaved sigh, I went straight to the point—. I would like to give us a chance again, Hyun. I thought this lunch could be accompanied by a discussion on how we’re going to handle ourselves from now onwards. 

Zen calmed down significantly, and as much as it hurt, I was happy too. However, a doubt was eating me alive. I also had a bad feeling ever since Jumin showed the first signs of reluctance to have our eyes meeting. 

—In that case, why am I here? 

—My relationship with Hyun no longer concerns just the two of us, now, does it? —he responded collectedly—. I assumed some of the terms we’ll discuss will require your opinion as well. 

I nodded, it was hard not to agree with something like that. The degustation menu that Jumin had ordered came while he and Zen were arguing some new boundaries. 

—I do not wish to date anyone else at the moment —Jumin said, although his following words didn’t let me rest easy—, but I’ll assume I have the freedom to handle my relationships however I like if that ever changes. 

—You mean you want to date other people if you feel like it? —he nodded firmly and I tightened my fists—. Okay. I think it’s fair. Just… I want to know everything. 

—I was counting on transparency. 

—Good. And… this goes for the two of you —I swallowed, not wanting to anticipate how I’d feel if they didn’t agree—: I don’t think dating, or kissing, or… sex with anyone else should be allowed unless there are also feelings involved. 

That caught me by surprise. The previous night, we had ruled out one-night stands from the relationship since that was more like a singles thing, so it was surprising that Zen would feel the need to clarify it again. 

—I agree, although I’d like to reexamine that point in the future in case the situation requires it —Hyun’s jaw seemed about to dislodge from his face, so I made my point across more clearly—. I will not start a relationship of any romantic or sexual nature without your previous knowledge or consent, Hyun. My only desire is to keep that concrete clause flexible. 

That seemed to calm him down enough to talk again, this time directing his attention to Narumi. 

—I want that rule to be applied to Haru as well. 

—We’ve already gone through that, Zen —she sighed. “So they have already talked about their relationship’s mishaps,” I thought with a uncomfortable sting. I payed close attention, however, since I was interested in the development of those events. 

—I know we have, it’s… I guess it’s my way of asking if you feel something for him. 

I could tell by his voice and posture that he felt vulnerable, and I resented Narumi for being the cause of it. “Calm down,” I told myself. My original plan had involved restoring my friendship with her, and nonetheless I found myself comfortable directing all the grudges towards her. Sharing Hyun was easier if there was someone to blame. The idea that it was also unhealthier clashed against my instincts; all those conflicting emotions had just begun and were about to get more complicated. 

Specially because I, too, desperately needed to know her answer. 

—Well… I’m not in love with him, but I do have feelings for him. We’ve been friends since we were kids, we’ve grown together, I know everything about him and he knows everything about me. And, over all that, I’m saying that I’d like to have the freedom to be with him if I want to. Isn’t all that enough? 

As I talked, I wondered if it made sense that I defended that particular right so persistently. It had been months since the last time I spoke to Haru because I had decided put some distance between us as I sorted myself out, although they didn’t know that. All the information Zen had was that Haru had spent the previous night at my place and that nothing had change. So, why go through all the trouble instead of simply clarifying it, you’d ask? The answer’s simple: I needed freedom. 

Things would’ve been different if it had only been me and Zen dating, being old-school exclusive. In that case, I would have asked Haru to only be friends with me from then on. What triggered me in that situation was how Zen was with Jumin while trying to shape my relationship with Haru in whatever way he wanted. I remained calm only because I knew it all came from a place of insecurity, but the situation was terribly frustrating. More so with Jumin’s piercing eyes watching silently as the conversation went on. 

—Does that mean you’re a couple, then? 

—What? No, we’re friends. 

—He slept with you last night. 

I startled when those words left Hyun’s lips, although Narumi corrected them as swiftly as she was able to. 

—We slept together but we didn’t have sex! We just shared the bed, I already told you. 

—Does that mean you’d tell me every time you and Haru… you know… _that_? 

—I don’t think that’d be a good idea —I finally intervened as certain images playing in my head stopped me from trying the dishes. 

—Yeah, me neither. I mean, I’d tell you that Haru’s come to visit and stuff, but since you already know how my relationship with him works, I don’t think it’s necess–

—I didn’t mean that. I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to continue to see Haru. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woops, Jumin's back for good and he's bringing some strong opinions to the table :O At least his relationship with Zen seems to be going fine… right? Aaaaahhh, I'm looking forward to your thoughts about it so far! Thank you for your support and see you in the comments or in the next chapter <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2019, everyone! After a holiday break, here we are again with more angst :3 As always, the color guide:  
> –Narumi’s part  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part  
> –Haru’s part

None of them had expected me to adopt that position, so I decided to explain myself. 

—He’s a cunning and manipulative man and I believe he’s exploiting your innocence to his advantage —the aftertaste in my tongue after letting that opinion out brought along a sense of relief although with a sound similar to… jealousy, since I lacked a more accurate word for that acid feeling. 

—Yes! That’s right! 

I was incredibly surprised by that: I had expected Jumin to defend her position since it was more similar to his, but I assumed that in the end he’d opted for being the best friend he could. 

I felt attacked from two flanks at once. Moreover, I couldn’t stand how they both seemed to think Haru was a terrible person when I knew so clearly he wasn’t. I could be quite insecure about a lot of stuff, but if there was something I’d never doubt, those were Haru’s intentions. 

—Okay, that’s it. I don’t know why you both seem so determined to hating his guts, but Haru’s my best friend and I’ve known him for over fifteen years, so forgive me if I don’t agree with your opinions after talking with him for less than fifty minutes —I turned to Zen with a frown, holding my tongue so that I couldn’t say anything I’d regret later on—. Haru remains an exception to that rule, take it or leave it. 

He could very easily try to out-stubborn me, so I held his gaze with undaunted eyes. His sigh let me know he had seen I wouldn’t yield. 

—It’s your choice, I guess. 

—Thank you. 

Zen remained salty the rest of the meal, and I felt somewhat responsible for it. All my attempts to enjoy the delicious food parading along our table were frustrated by a guilt that shouldn’t even be there. Well, that and Jumin’s elusive eyes: the more time passed, the more it was clear to me that our friendship was dead and gone. I tried not to think about that too much, it wasn’t the moment or place to cry over a broken heart. 

—If that’s all, then there’s one last thing I’d like to discuss —Jumin had been serious the entire time, but at that moment he was even solemn—. I want you to come back home, Hyun. 

The meat on my fork fell to the plate as I looked at Jumin with my mouth wide open. He was smiling at me now, guardedly but tender if you knew how to read him, and I felt my heart melting to a sight I didn’t think I’d see that soon. 

It was a huge blow that I had to refuse. 

—I think it would be better if I stayed at my place for a while… at least until we see it’s working out and you’re comfortable with me and Narumi being together. 

Jumin nodded stiffly, and for once I thanked that he didn’t make a scene. However, it was still awkward whenever he acted so coldly over something that had clearly bothered him. I thought of ways to ease the tension, but anything I could say seemed useless. 

I knew exactly what to do to ease the tension, at least for the time being. With a soft grin, I gathered my stuff and stood up. 

—Since everything’s settled, I think it’s better if you have some time together now. Thank you for the meal, Jumin. 

I stroked Zen’s shoulder, not wanting to take the PDA further than that in front of his boyfriend, and had to stop on my tracks when he held my wrist. 

—Wait, shouldn’t you two fix things as well? After all, you’re friends too. 

There was a subtle annoyance in his words, as if Hyun didn’t wish for both of his partners to talk to each other. I took advantage of Narumi’s hesitance to make myself clear. 

—We’re not anymore. There’s nothing to fix. 

Why? Why was I letting her go thinking that I hated her? Why couldn’t I stop directing my hatred towards her? Logics were nothing but a cascade of theoretical nonsense that couldn’t untangle my darkest thoughts. I rationally knew I couldn’t blame her for loving Hyun or sharing her intimacy with Haru, though my feelings clearly hadn’t received the memo. 

Hyun observed her go in silence before turning to face me, doubtfully debating with himself the best way to approach what had just occurred. 

—You shouldn’t treat her like that —he articulated word by word, as if it went against his will to defend that stance—. She cares about you. 

Some wine would likely help me down those words. 

—I know. 

—And… you care about her too. 

Jumin didn’t respond that time. We both knew how important Narumi’s friendship had been for him, so it was frustrating to see him toss it to the trash without even a little remorse about what he was doing. It was specially hard now that I had that information about Narumi’s feelings. Jumin hadn't seen the way her eyes saddened with his harshness, and even if he had seen it, he wouldn’t be able to decipher and understand it. 

For the first time in my life, I hoped Haru would take care of her while I wasn’t there. 

—Damn it, Jumin, look what you’ve made me do. 

I didn’t realize I’d said it out loud until he tilted his head, silently asking. I threw my napkin on the table and rose from the table. 

—I’m going to the bathroom. 

He probably saw me reaching out for my phone, but I didn’t really care. I had to make sure she was okay. 

**Zen:** _He’ll change his mind. You ok?_

I knew who the text was from and what it said without the need to verify it. To be honest, all I wanted was to forget about my phone for a while until I felt ready to face everything. However, I knew Zen would worry if he didn’t get an answer soon. 

**Narumi:** _It’s okay, I know he needs time :)_

After typing and hitting the send button, I buried my phone in my purse and headed home. I didn’t typically resort to lying –in fact, it physically cost me to be dishonest–, so I usually did it only when it wasn’t the right moment to dig in all the feelings and have a complex conversation. I wanted Jumin and Zen to enjoy their reconciliation. End of it. 

I hadn’t been aware of how I was slightly trembling until I tried to insert the key in the lock. A few deep breaths managed to ground me enough to open the door, and when I heard the TV on I couldn’t remember a time in which I had been happier to remember that Haru was there. 

—Home already from your important date? —his tone, playful at first, changed drastically as I buried my head on his chest and sobbed less quietly than I would’ve liked. He reacted quickly, enveloping in a bear hug while speaking tenderly—. You were never one to party until late anyway. 

As silly as that comment was, it ripped a cackle out of me. However, I kept crying and Haru didn’t let me go even as he reached out for bites of his still steamy rice. If I tried to give him some room to eat comfortably, he’d drag me closer to him. 

—You’re too sweet even though I’ve been ignoring you for months. 

Haru wasn’t easily bothered by stuff like that; in fact, he wasn’t bothered by anything at all. That, of course, showed in his understanding smile and made me want to cry even harder. 

—I’m pretty sure you’ve been ignoring me because you needed to get your life together first —I nodded and he ruffled my hair nonchalantly—. You won’t go back to thinking that you’re a terrible person now, will you? 

The more seconds went by, the higher his eyebrow lifted. In the end I had to shake my head, and his wide smile was worth my struggle. 

—Good girl. Now, do you need to talk about what’s happened or do you want me to distract you? 

His tone was somewhat suggestive, yet he seemed to have realized that our friendship wouldn’t go beyond the more traditional term. Being alluring was part of his DNA, though, so I didn’t pay it much thought and simply blurted out everything that had happened. 

—Couldn’t it be that he needs time before you two start to be friends again? 

—Perhaps —I conceded, my fingers jitterily twisting the last handkerchief I’d used—, but what if it stays like that forever? In his situation, it’s easier to hate me rather than try and fix things. 

He was thoughtful when he enveloped me in his arms again, guiding my head to his neck. I was grateful for the attention, although I had to get away as soon as my eyes started itching with unshed tears. I didn’t want to cry anymore, and that’s what I told him when he asked if I was okay. 

—Then I think you’re ready for fase two. How does a walk sound? 

I pondered it for a minute, then nodded and put on some shoes and a coat. Haru knew the city from the couple of times he’d visited me, so I let him lead the way and focused on him instead of on the streets. His voice always caused the same effect on me; it managed to transport me to every single one of his stories, infecting me of my friend’s life-long thirst for adventure as well as letting me drift away from my mundane (and not so mundane) concerns. 

—I twisted my ankle during that run, but hell, it was worth it —he abruptly stopped both talking and walking, and as I followed his lead, I discovered a puckish grin gaining shape in his features—. And I found this place while you and Zen had that chat this morning. 

It was Heaven on Earth. That place had taken both of the things I loved the most to create my favourite spot in town. 

—A CAT CAFÉ!?!? How could I not know that this existed so close to my place?! 

—Apparently they inaugurated it last week. C’mon, kitty, let’s take a look inside. 

He didn’t have to say it twice. 

It was a tough decision to face: I could either eat the cookies I’d ordered and sip my coffee while it was hot or maybe go for caressing Chicken’s fur. He was a fat, blonde cat that had turned my lap into his bed the minute I sat down, and I couldn’t be happier with that unfolding of events. 

—Go for the food —Haru, who’d read my expression, spoke amused—, unless you like it full of cat hairs. 

In spite of being a dog person, I was having a great time. The cats respected some unspoken boundaries between them and me, most of them attracted to Narumi instead, and I happily chewed my cherry pie while losing myself in her bright smile. She was always like that when she saw cats, so…

—Woah! Hey, little fella, did you get lost? 

My half-bitten cookie and I turned towards Haru, the other hand frozen over Chicken’s body as I’d been about to yield to his furry charms. The view was better than anything I had ever witnessed so far: my friend was holding a kitten smaller than his hand as it meowed weakly to him. Its fur was orange, wildly contrasting with its blue eyes –that is, whenever they were actually open. 

One of the waitresses came over as soon as she spotted the kitten in Haru’s lap, since he refused to come with me or stray far from Haru, and told us that he was a master escapist. 

—We usually keep the smaller ones inside until they’re old enough to wander the shop, so I’ll have to take little Nugget with me now. I’m sorry for the inconvenience! 

—It’s no problem, here. 

Little Nugget grasped the fabric of Haru’s pants with its small claws so hard that the statement was clear: he didn’t want to go. The waitress hesitated and, in the end, sighed. 

—I guess I can make an exception for a while. 

—We’ll take good care of it, don’t worry —I talked when I felt my voice returning after the blow it had been to find out that the cute little guy’s name was Nugget. 

Even when we were leaving, we had a rough time detaching Nugget from Haru. The kitten even cried as he was taken back with its mother, and I didn’t realize I was pouting until Haru’s thumb rubbed my lips teasingly. 

—I’m staying for a couple more days, so we can come again before I leave. 

—Okay! 

We grabbed a bite on our way back home and ended our day on the couch, a lazy conversation preventing us from putting on our pyjamas. Well, Haru didn’t even have one to begin with. I still had time to remember everything that had happened with Jumin that morning right as my consciousness began drifting away. 

—I’m happy to have you here —I confessed in a yawn before I finally fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Narumi's having a rather hard start of the year, but hopefully next chapter there'll be a bit more fluff thanks to Jumin and Zen making up for the lost time ;) Thanks for reading! <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Color guide:  
> –Zen’s part  
> –Jumin’s part

I didn’t notice Jumin being strangely quiet after Narumi left. Instead, I was focused on her face full of misery upon seeing her friendship with Jumin done. And, as I knew it now, the rejection she’d suffered from the man she was in love with. 

“One of them,” I forced myself to believe. “She’s in love with me too.” 

That ‘too’ left a sour aftertaste in my thoughts that wouldn’t improve anytime soon. With a grim expression, Jumin reached out to hand me an envelope. I opened it and widened my eyes, anxious. 

—They’ll come out to the public the day after tomorrow —Jumin stated as I went through the pictures. The paparazzi had caught me and Narumi kissing at her doorstep just the night before—. I can offer you my lawyers to handle them in case that’s what you want. 

—Yes, please. 

Due to his position in C&R, Jumin had control over what was published about him and he’d made sure to keep our relationship private since the very beginning, something that also helped my career. I had been so used to not thinking about those details that I’d been careless with Narumi. 

—Try to be more careful from now on, though —that was the first time he sounded a bit annoyed during the meal. I nodded. 

—Thank you for taking care of it. 

He dismissed it as if it weren’t a big deal. After a pause that felt everlasting, he broke the silence again. 

—Those pictures are the reason why I decided to call you this morning. 

Now that he was there, now that we were alone, I wanted him closer. The distance that had settled between us wasn’t as agonic as it used to feel, but rather annoying. I hoped my next words would be able to trim it. 

—Upon watching them, I had a revelation: you’d be with her no matter what. I knew then that I had a choice to make between remaining obstinate and pained or accepting the new situation and staying by your side. I’m not sure about where the future will take us, to be completely honest, but I think I can handle this bet. 

I caught Hyun’s glances bouncing from my face to my hand, which was resting on the table. I had never felt so much relief as I did then, when his fingers cautiously intertwined with mine. 

—Thank you for giving me a chance. 

I had expected our improvised date to end with his car leaving me at my doorstep, but somehow I found myself inviting him over and somehow the taste of his lips, as well as the time we’d spent apart, made our clothes disappear until our bodies found each other. We didn’t even make it to the bed. 

However, even better than the sex was the after-care. It was a struggle to get comfortable in my bathtub (“You know, Hyun, this would be far easier at my penthouse” and all that, you get it), but once we both fit in, I felt like I was relaxing for the first time in months. It was one of those rare occasions in which I was the one embracing Jumin from behind and not the other way around, but I liked it as well. Running my fingers through his hair as he hummed in delight was something I thought I’d never be allowed to do anymore, so I made sure to treasure the moment. 

We talked about trivial things to catch up as we became wrinkled like raisins due to the water. When Jumin got out and offered his help to dry me off, I got a silly grin extending all over my face. He was the one to initiate the kissing that time and I didn’t want him to stop, so I whined theatrically as he did. 

—There’ll be plenty of time in the future for us to kiss, Hyun. 

—Like, maybe in three seconds…?

He huffed but couldn’t resist it when I bit his lower lip playfully. After running out of breath and staring at each other for longer than I’d like to admit, I asked him to sleep with me that night. 

—I don’t think we should —he admitted with a different tone, and for the first time in my life I saw Jumin Han unsure—. As I understand it, you didn’t want to move back with me because you need your intimacy. We both could benefit from time on our own in order to adapt to the new situation. 

—Just for tonight…

I took over his collar so that his hands could do nothing but hang on each side of his body. I knew asking Jumin that way often softened him, so it surprised me to find he was still tense as we exchanged a long look. I didn’t really understand, but the least I could do was respect his wishes. 

—Okay. Are you leaving right away? 

—Yes, I have an important meeting tomorrow and I still have to take care of the pictures from yesterday. 

—Thank you for that —I repeated as I walked him to the door—. And good luck with your meeting. Also… say hi to Elizabeth for me, will you? 

His eyes shone with an unexpected emotion; even though I no longer sneezed while in the fur ball’s company, I usually stayed out of her way and didn’t pay her much attention. Not that I had missed her or anything anyway, I was just being… polite. Yeah. 

—I will. She seems to have missed you as well. 

—I didn’t say I had missed her —I muttered under my breath, but Jumin’s kiss served to melt me until I didn’t care about that issue. 

That day had felt weird. I reflected on the previous hours with a beer on my couch. Wasn’t it too surreal? Maybe I had imagined everything and I was about to wake up. The only thing keeping my life from being a dream come true were Narumi’s feelings towards Jumin. I had actually wanted to bring the topic up with him to see if he could reconsider having her as a friend, but in the end we’d had that afternoon entirely to ourselves. I felt only a little bit guilty, but that was because Jumin deserved uninterrupted attention after everything we had been through. 

I checked my phone and texted Narumi “How are you, princess?” when I saw she hadn’t talked to me during the whole evening. Not getting a reply even after I had had dinner worried me, so before I knew it I was putting on a jacket while heading towards my bike. 

I arrived at her doorstep clueless with what to say. My three knocks on the door came accompanied by the answer I feared the most: “It’s open” in Haru’s voice. The jerk couldn’t even open himself, great. 

The air in my lungs got stuck as I learned why he hadn’t; Narumi was sleeping on the couch, cuddled on top of his chest. The only thing that made the situation bearable was how both of them seemed fully clothed, but deep down I knew I couldn’t remain jealous forever. It wouldn’t be fair for her nor good for either of us. 

Haru didn’t look at me as I approached them. It was weird to see him lost in thought with hands distractedly caressing Narumi’s back when he usually seemed more lively and energetic. 

—Was she too sad? 

—Let’s just say if you don’t punch Jumin, I will. 

I startled. I had seen how bad Narumi felt in her always truthful and easy to read expression, yet it was another thing to witness Haru’s enraged features when it seemed impossible to bother the guy. 

Since I didn’t want to disturb her peaceful sleep, I sat on the table and repressed my urge to stroke her hair. I didn’t deserve to, after a whole day ignoring her feelings to focus on my selfish desires. 

—Thank you for taking care of her. 

—It’s not something to thank me for. She and I go way back, we always take care of each other. 

—You idiot, I’m trying to be nice —it was hard to whisper when you were irritated, dammit—. What I mean is that… I am happy she could count on you today, I guess. 

There was a brief pause, but he relaxed enough to look at her with complete devotion. 

—Me too. 

After a kiss on her curls, he began rising slowly from the sofa to not wake her up and I helped him carry her to the bed. She opened her foggy eyes and managed a drowsy smile as she recognized me. 

—Zen…

—Sshhh, go back to sleep —I told her, topping it off with a soft peck on the lips. She dozed off again, so Haru walked me to the door. 

—You know I’ve never liked you for her, Zen —he bluntly stated, making me jump on the spot. His sardonic smile cut my stream of complains long enough for him to “fix” it—. However, I can see her feelings for you are deep and I like the way you stood up for her when she confessed them. I won’t be here forever, so when I leave I’m counting on you to protect her. 

There was a not so subtle menacing tone in his words, but overall it felt like he was giving me his blessing, somehow. I nodded firmly. 

—I don’t want to see her suffer anymore either. I’ll try to talk to Jumin. 

For the first time since I met him, I saw a hint of approval in his eyes. We shook hands on our very unspecific deal and I left feeling a bit more in peace with myself. 

It was difficult to feel peaceful whilst carrying that envelope with me. The kisses trapped in the pictures wouldn’t leave me unscarred, so I knew as soon as I set foot in my home office that those wouldn’t be kept with the others. 

I observed the envelope as it was shredded to nonsensical confetti before sitting down on my desk, a hand loosening my tie while the other reached to open the drawer. A glass of wine witnessed my going through the first pictures they took of me and Hyun together, he and I holding hands, a few of our stolen kisses when we thought ourselves hidden from prying eyes…

I stopped on the one I had been looking for without realizing: Narumi by my arm during a day we went shopping together. She looked beautiful in her summer dress, her expression bubbling with the excitement she often showcased as she spoke about a topic she was very invested in. More than once I’d found myself staring at it in my solitude, fantasizing through that picture things I dared not put in words. All I knew for sure was that she and I looked closer than ever in that image. As much as I loathed admitting it to myself, I missed those days. 

I thought of the pictures that were to come. I wondered if Hyun and Narumi would be caught like that. I knew that even if those photographs never came to existence, the moments they spent together would still be real. They were bound to happen regardless of who was there to see them. 

“Why was it him?,” I silently asked. “Why did you choose him?” 

That was absurd, of course. Neither of them had decided who to fall in love with anymore than I had. 

“Why not me?” 

Those three words tensed me with the uneasiness of unexpected feelings. Sensing that I didn’t wish to uncover the answer to that question, I stopped myself from thinking along that line while returning the pictures to their place. 

The drawer closed, and inside I hoped I’d left the troublesome doubts as well. 


End file.
